In order to have the good...one must hear the bad. There were some really bad songs this year and it is only fair to give them their moment on the blog. So without further ado...here are my picks for the worst songs of the year.
The Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani and Akon -
Okay so I really like both of these artists...so it would make sense that I would like their duet right? Wrong. WTF was with Akon's primary contribution to the song being "Whee-ho"? The beat was off and didn't seem to match the mood of the song. The lyrics sounded tough but the lack of emotion in Gwen's voice just couldn't pull them off. Sometimes musical greats can get together and make magic...other times they just make a mess. This song is a total mess...I don't care that iTunes said it was the #2 song of the year. Group thinking is not always right.
Umbrella by Rihanna and Jay-z -
First of all...I don't like anything about or from Jay-z so it should not come as a surprise that I would hate any song that he touched. Second of all...it is a song about a damn umbrella!!! WTF? Have we sucked the creative ponds so dry that the best that they could come up with is "Umbrella ella ella eh eh"???? Seriously...WTF? Okay so I suppose that it is kind of a "stay strong in love" song...but I think that I would need more than the offer of sharing an umbrella to stay in a troubled relationship. I am glad that so many people like this song...I'm just not one of them. Forced rhymes suck.
This Is Why I'm Hot by Mims -
Okay...so I default to one of my favorite arguments that if you have to declare that you are something...hot, sexyback, cool, etc...you clearly are not getting your point across and therefore missing said goal. So that is the first reason that this song sucks...the next reason that it totally sucks is that in addition to the arrogant lyrics...Mims failed to even back himself up with a decent beat...and the result is that the song just sounds half ass. I don't know how else to describe it. I think that the average nine year old could have done better. "You're hot cuz you fly"???? Explain to me how that makes any damn sense?
Wake Up Call by Maroon 5 -
Is this the suburbs version of Trapped in the Closet? You had to shoot him dead huh??? As opposed to shooting him alive? Adam Levine has a distinct voice that was made for crooning bittersweet songs like She Will Be Loved....not to sing about shooting some 6 ft tall guy. He cannot pull off the tough guy attitude with that high-pitched of a voice. Whatever....the whole album left much to be desired.
Making her second appearance on my list...Rihanna with Hate that I Love You -
This album is a clear case of sophomoric disaster. Rihanna struck gold with her first album and tried too hard to repeat the success. Oh well.
Headlines by the Spice Girls -
Silly Me...I actually thought that when they said Goodbye in 1999 they meant it .
Gimme More by Britney Spears -
I have done my best to stay away from bashing Brit...mainly because it is a little like shooting fish in a barrel. This song is just so damn terrible that I cannot leave it be. Any song that starts with "Its Britney Bitch" deserves to ripped to shreds.
Tattoo by Jordin Sparks -
This is juvenile writing at its worst. "You're still a part of everything I do. You're on my heart just like a tattoo." Yet again I ask...WTF??? This is why I stopped watching American Idol. I refuse to believe that this is the best that America has to offer.
No One by Alicia Keys -
So standing alone...every part of this song has potential for greatness. Put it all together and you have a complete mess. The lyrics are well written...but they don't match the tempo of the song. The tempo isn't bad...but throwing in the piano makes no damn sense. Alicia...we get it...you can play the piano...there is no need for it in every song. Then there is Alicia herself. The girl can sing better than most people around...yet she doesn't prove it on this song. Her voice is strained and the whole range of octaves in unnessary and just seems like showing off. It should have been a great song...everything was there...it just didn't work out.
Anything and Everything by the following artists...Jay-Z, Kayne West, Chris Brown and Ciara -
I will never understand how these people got signed, let alone how they climbed to the top of the musical food chain. Someone stop the madness.
And Finally...here it is...my pick for the worst song of 2007...
Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne -
When did Avril go from punk chick to wannabe cheerleader? Did she honestly think that she held her edge by dropping the F-bomb in the song? Way to abandon your Canadian roots and channel a valley girl for the sake of music sales. Oh and don't forget the whole borrowing the idea from the Rubinoos...whom I never would have known of if not for her song theft. I will admit...I think don't actually hate the song...yet it is still the worst song of the year. It is not awesomely bad....it is just bad. It is musical train wreck that damn near everyone stopped to watch. For God sakes...it has been recorded in like ten languages and it is terrible in every one of them. What does that say about society's taste in music?