Saturday, December 22, 2007

Worst of 2007 - Movies

I did not get to see as many movies on the big screen as I would have liked...however that is not going to stop me from declaring which movies I thought were the worst of the year. So let's jump right into it.

Hannibal Rising - In life...you have to know when to say when. Red Dragon and Silence of the Lambs were excellent books and movies...and that is where it should have stopped. Hannibal and Hannibal Rising were forced and terrible and everyone knows it. I was actually kind of pissed off after having saw Hannibal Rising. At least Hannibal had Anthony Hopkins to make the time pass. Gaspard Ulliel is not anywhere close to being worthy of playing Hannibal Lector. All he did was turn one of the greatest evil characters of all times into a wussy crybaby. Seeing this movie was a waste of $12.50.


I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry - Seriously...nothing pisses me off more in pop culture when something has the makings for total greatness and ends up blowing it and becoming a pop culture mess. This movie is clearly a case of just that. Kevin James and Adam Sandler are both decent actors with the ability to be funny as hell. Nothing about this movie seemed genuine except that the writers have no real clue about homosexual/heterosexual friendships. I have several close gay male friends and I have NEVER stripped down to my skivvies in front of them or dared one of them to grab my chest. (Hello...if they wanted to play with boobs they wouldn't be gay!!!!) The jokes were not funny or appropriate for a movie that has a message that homosexuals have it tough. They have it tough because of asshole movies like this one. What a waste of film.

I Know Who Killed Me - I didn't even see this movie and I know that it was one of the worst of the year. The damn preview was enough to keep me away from the screen. Short of the pervs who wanted to see Lindsay Lohan as a stripper(sucks to be you...I heard she never even took her shirt off)...I think everyone else stayed away too.

Because I Said So - I went to see this with my sister because it was supposed to be a feel good, women empowering movie about family. It was none of these things. It was a lame movie that reminded me of why I will never live in the same city with any of the women in my family except my sister.

300 - So I know that everyone in the world liked this movie but me and I don't care. I just don't get what all the fuss is about. A female friend from work said that it was the greatest movie she had ever seen so I figured that I was mislead by the previews and decided to go against my instinct and see the damn thing. I should have trusted my instincts on this one. Is it just me or did the movie just keep repeating itself over and over. Dude gets shot with an arrow, dude jumps off cliff, dude loses his head, dude gets impaled with spear...repeat for 90 minutes of total crap. Worst of all...this movie inspired every jackass on the Internet to announce that yes...THIS IS SPARTA. No...this is you sounding like the jackass.

License to Wed - Mandy Moore is in two of the movies on this worst of list...coincidence? I think not. Mandy Moore was decent in American Dreamz...but that is about it. Stick to singing Mandy...where you are above average. I won't even go into Robin Williams performance in this movie because it was too terrible to want to relive.

Every single 3rd part of trilogy that was released this year...except maybe the Bourne Ultimatum...but only because I haven't seen it yet so I cannot be sure.

1408 - It pains me to say this because I love John Cusack. This is only one two bad movies that he has made...which considering his long career is pretty damn good. The problem is that it is probably one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I love scary movies...so for me to slam one is pretty rare but I just don't have anything nice to say about it. With John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson as its stars...it should have totally kicked ass. Instead it flat out sucked. My pop culture idol Andrew made a very good point when he dissected this terrible flick which is that the movie never makes it clear what exactly John is fighting against (yes its the room but what makes the room evil?)...therefore how do we as viewers know what we are rooting against? The rules of the movie kept changing which pissed me off. How did the room manage to mind-fuck John's character's ex-wife who was not in the room? Not only that...but how pissed were you when you realized that the escape scene was a fake? I mean...the whole John bumping his head and dreaming the whole thing...only to find out that the head bumping was actually a hallucination and he was still trapped in the room? WTF? Then there was the scene with SLJ in the mini-bar (or wherever the hell the mini version of him showed up) talking about John maybe deserving this because he ruined the fate of so many people. This goes back to my first point. Maybe the room wasn't evil. Maybe it was a vengeful God teaching John a lesson for turning away from him. Should we viewers really be rooting against God? But I digress....So he ends up setting the room on fire right? (Stealing again from Andrew the Great) How come fire worked in a room that seemed to have endless replenishing powers? Every other thing he did to destroy the room and it just kept fixing itself. And can anyone explain to me how in the hell it started to snow in the damn room? Finally...if you had almost died in hotel fire that you created in order to stop evil...would you really want anything from that room. I sure wouldn't. In fact...if the NYFD came to me with a bag of stuff from that night...I would immediately light the bag on fire. Why would you want a reminder of the night from hell? Whatever...the only thing that this movie accomplished for me was the making me hate The Carpenters Close to You. Worst movie of the Year!

Sadly...the whole writers strike does not give me hope for better movies in 2008. I guess I will just have to stay home and watch Mars Attacks over and over now that I finally have it on DVD. Now that is a great flick that I cannot get enough of!

9 comments:

The Kiskadian said...

damn mil are you in a bad mood? you were meaner that usual and that isn't like you.

The Kiskadian said...

how in fuck could you not like 300? it is one of the best movies ever. would you have liked it better if the line was welcome to sparta bitch?

Todd said...

I agree with everything except for 300. You really hated 300? I am surprised. You are usually a sucker for manly men movies such as Braveheart, Troy, LOTR.

To piggyback off of the Kiskadian, you do sound angry. Is everything alright?

DrFine said...

even an angel is allowed to have a bad day guys. leave her alone.

Millie said...

Not being mean...just calling it like I see it.

The Kiskadian said...

i swear to god I am about to kick your ass fine if you don't stop posting. you are not our friend, nobody likes you, and you have nothing worth saying.

The Kiskadian said...

300 kicks ass. you have gotten soft in your old age mil.

The Kiskadian said...

what is your obessesion with mars attacks?

Millie said...

Mars Attacks is one of the funniest movies ever. Have you even seen it?