Sunday, November 18, 2007

Great Movies With Terrible Endings

Don't you hate it when a great movie gets ruined by terrible ending? By terrible I mean...really really LAME! I expect cheesy endings at the end of chick flicks, or any movie made by Disney, etc. I do not expect them from movies that are supposed to kick ass. Here are few that really piss me off.

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi - This is an obvious one, since I think that every REAL Star Wars fan thought the ending sucked. I am only including this so that you have an understanding of what I am talking about. How could the greatest movie series of all time end with the protagonists dancing around with a bunch of Ewoks???????? Seriously, every damn time I see C3PO dancing around I want to throw something at the TV. I get that everyone was happy to be rid of the Emperor and all that...but was dancing in a tree village with Stormtropper helmets for drums the best that you come up with? I get mad just thinking about it. What in the hell would a damn droid know about happiness anyway?

The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King - So apparently making a trilogy is free pass to use the LAMEST endings possible. Sorry...I don't buy it. The problem with this lame ending is that it just goes on and on and on. First of all...why is that after Frodo woke up everyone entered the room one at a time? I guess it was meant to be a cinematic curtain call but it came off lame. The madness could and should have ended there but sadly it did not. What gave Gimli the right to crown the king? He was a dwarf for God's Sake!!! Why would a dwarf crown a man? I also wonder who thought it was necessary to make Viggo Mortensen aka Aragorn sing that damn song...ruining the tough manly man image that we all loved? It still doesn't stop there...because soon we were at the damn boat scene. Sure I shed a few tears at the end when Frodo was saying goodbye to Sam as he is leaving to go "Into the West" but did they really need to drag the damn scene out like ten minutes. (Possibly a slight exaggeration but if you have seen the get my point.) All of the major characters already had what should have been their final scene of the movie during the whole bed scene and the singing was it really necessary to have a sappy goodbye at the boat? I think not.

Titanic - Okay so maybe this one doesn't belong on this list since it is considered by many to be a chick flick. Though they will never admit, I know that most of my male buddies who got dragged to this movie when it came out actually enjoyed most of it so it passes the test and is on the list. So we are led to believe that old lady Rose dies at the end of the movie and all of her Titanic buddies are waiting for her in Titanic heaven. I have two problems with this that go beyond the sheer sappiness of the clapping and gathering at the clock. The first is that Rose was a spoiled first class girl. I can speak with the confidence that comes from being a former spoiled brat that there is no way that she knew the crew or "lower deck" people on the ship, with the exception of the few she met with Jack. Yet somehow there were all there in Titanic heaven waiting for her, smiling away. You mean to tell me that out of all of those people there wasn't at least one of them who pissed that the rich bitch lived and they didn't? Unlikely but whatever. My second problem with this is that I know that she met Jack on the ship and they were happy there and all...but seriously...why would your heaven be the worst thing that ever happened to you? I mean...Jack died because of that damn ship and yet you want him to spend eternity there? SELFISH! If I almost drowned and lost the love of my life in a heaven would anything but the same damn ship.

The Last Samurai - This movie kicked ass but the end was hard for me to buy into. I know that the character Katsumoto was supposed to be a sensitive warrior...but are we really supposed to believe that his last thoughts were of flowers?

Robin Hood Prince of Thieves - This one is also iffy because any movie with a love theme is usually a chick flick by default. Nevertheless, I still haven't been able to figure out how the Sheriff of Nottingham's guards were never able to find Robin Hood's hideout, yet King Richard had no trouble galloping in at the end after having been gone from his country for years. Don't get me wrong, even as a 9 year old pop culture geek in training I thought it was cool to see Sean Connery but give me a break.

I know this sounds a bit cynical for me. Please don't take it to heart. I enjoy all of these movies...I just think that the directors took it one step too far. If I want to see sentimental endings, I will watch any one of the chick flicks that fit the bill such as Beaches, The Bodyguard, or The Notebook. When I watch a kick ass should kick ass until the credits roll.

1 comment:

The Kiskadian said...

I seem to remember you crying at the end of Titanic the first ten times you dragged me to it so you couldn't have thought the shitty.