Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Dark Side

So a lot of hype is being made about The Patriots. Anyone who knows me is already well aware of my feelings towards the team. My upcoming move to the northeast has not changed my feelings on the matter. The fact is...I despise the New England Patriots so very much. I will not deny that they are an amazing team...but to embrace them seems a little like embracing a rattlesnake. As a former long-time Yankee fan, my sporting soul cannot trade one evil organization for another...else I will become beyond redemption.

I have been sitting on a picture of Bill Belichick as Darth Vader for about two weeks...assuming that it would make it into my blog at some point. Yet after reading my pop culture geek/hero Andrew's blog I became enlightened...Belichick is not Vader...he is the Emperor.


I cannot help but be creeped out when I see him...and that started way before the Emperor revelation. The fact that he quietly yields so much power over a bunch of grown-ass men is oddly unsettling. The fact that so many people turn a blind eye to the cult-like way in which he runs his team in beyond my understanding. It is way too similar to the way that the Jedi and the Republic failed to notice that Palpatine was actually a Sith Lord. Chills run up my spine every time the camera pans to Belichick after a win as every time he has the same smug smirk on his face...as if he knew what the outcome would be. It is not confidence mind you... as it is the same smirk that Darth Sideous had as he corrupted Anakin into destroying the Jedi and when he lied about Anakin killing Padme.

Andrew made an argument about Emperor Belichick...I mean Coach Belichick might have had a hand in the whole Randy Moss saga. It is unlikely...much like the whole L Ron Hubbard being Suri's dad rumor...but on the other hand...neither theory seems to absolutely ring false. What if Belichick was behind the scandal...setting up Randy as way to get him to comply? Sure...that is would a stretch for the average coach but Belichick has proven that he is anything but average.

Poor Tom Brady is a lot like Anakin Skywalker. He has been manipulated into thinking that Bill's way is the only way. ("Only a Sith deals in absolutes" right?) Am I the only one who finds it incredibly unsettling that Tom starts damn near ever sentence with "Coach says..."? Seriously, there is no way that this guy actually believes every word that comes out of Belichick's mouth...is there? Sounds more like brainwashing than coaching to me. It almost makes me feel sorry for Tom...almost.

In the past few years Tom Brady has gone from a lovable good ole boy to an arrogant jerk. There is no way that I would stand out in the cold, purposely miss a bus just to talk to him for a few more minutes or stand out in the freezing cold to watch him play football. You know why...because he is nothing special. He does not send chills down my spine...or excite me with the mere sound of his voice. He actually annoys the shit out of me because he seems to think that he has this effect on everyone. There is a scene in The Simpsons Episode #343 in which Tom Brady rides around on a segway scooter and says "Everyone sucks but me. Oh yeah...cheer for Tom. Give all your love to Tom." This seems to be his attitude on and off the field. He has gone from talented though somewhat lost little Padwan to a arrogant Sith lord wannabe. Much like Anakin...I don't think that Tom is beyond hope. To quote Padme, "There is good in him still...I know there is." In order for Tom to redeem himself...he must break free of the evil emperor's hold and go play for a team like the Rams or the Dolphins.

Much like in the Star Wars saga...what started off as something good has been corrupted into something evil. I love a dynasty team as much as the next person...but in this case it just feels morally wrong to buy into this one.

Think about it...and check back tomorrow when I compare Eli and Giants to the Jedi...as clearly this year's Superbowl is about more than just football...it is a battle of good verses evil.

5 comments:

Todd said...

Is there no situation that you can relate to Star Wars?

This might be my favorite post. You should give up this Coast Guard nonsense and be a writer.

Millie said...

Wrong day to joke because if I could...I would.

And there is NO situation in life that cannot be related to Star Wars...hence why it is the greatest saga of all time.

The Kiskadian said...

the only reason that you should quit the coast guard is so you could come home. but even then you probably wouldn't so stay in. there is still part of the girl i used to know so i am not worried yet.

Todd said...

Why did you change your profile picture? I liked the Daria comparsion since you seem to ooze sarcasim these days. More importantly, what did you change it to?

DrFine said...

The Pats aren't that bad. I think that Belichick is an ass but I wouldn't call him evil.