Sunday, March 9, 2008

And If All My Dreams Come, I'll Be Spending Time With You

The Best Karaoke Songs According to Rolling Stone Magazine:
- Don't Stop Believin by Journey: Duh, this is a no brainer. It is one of my all-time favorite Karaoke songs ever. Hell, it is one of the best songs ever. The problem is that it is a really tough song to sing. Therefore I only karaoke it on special occasions. The last time that I karaoked this song it was in attempt to be noticed. Sadly, the plan backfired and did not have the effect that I wanted. Oh ended up working out in the end but the point is that the next time you hear someone sing this song, terrible though it might, cut the person some slack. That or try it yourself so that you are justified in passing judgement. Still, the greatness of this song cannot be denied.

- Since You've Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson: For the love of God, ladies please stop the madness. Sure we have been scorned and we can all relate to this song but that doesn't mean that this song should be a karaoke classic. First of all, not even Kelly makes it sound good, so why in the hell would you think that you could do any better. Secondly, there is not a guy in the bar that will find you attractive after singing this. They will think you to be a angry bitch and want to stay clear of your drama...and rightfully so.

- Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi: I am torn about this one. It is also one the greatest songs ever but I am not sure that it should be so recklessly exploited by karaoke. It is a tough song to sing and I personally want to throw things at the person butchering it. That being said, most who sing it love Bon Jovi and therefore it is usually a tribute to their greatness. So I cannot agree nor disagree about this selection.

- Sweet Child O Mine by Guns N' Roses: I love this pick. You don't have to sing well to sing this song and there is no major disrespect by butchering it. My only complaint is when people pick this song and then just stand there like petrified wood. If you are going to pick a song like this, rock out or belt out or something of that nature that is worthy of a song such as this.

- Like A Virgin by Madonna: I agree with this pick but only if a guy is doing the singing. It is not amusing when a girl sings it but it is funny as hell when a guy does. Everyone in the bar will be laughing and in the end that really is the point of karaoke.

And now here is the list according to Millie.

The best:

- Minority by Green Day: This song is the perfect way to get everyone into a singing mood. Any chance that a bunch of drunk people get to collectively swear is awesome. Besides, it is perfect on days when you have had enough of "The Man". Unlike many of the other Green Day songs, there is no obvious political opinions in this song so it is safe in almost every bar.

- More Than Yesterday by Spiral Starecase: If you must dedicate a song your beloved at a karaoke bar, please use this one. It is fairly easy to sing, most people know it and will bail you out if you totally suck, and it is a happy paced love song so you can dance around on the stage. The good thing about this is that it has the potential to sound even better when sung terribly. You can't go wrong with this pick and any karaoke bar worth its weight will have it in their collection.

- Authority Song by John Cougar Mellencamp: Warning, don't even try it if you don't know the song. You will not be able to keep and you will get laughed at. That being said, when sung well, you will have the entire bar singing and clapping along with you. As long as you can sing the fast parts in the different verses, the chorus is a breeze. Success is also dependent on you actually singing. If you are meek and quiet, you will look foolish.

- Nuthin but a "G" Thang by Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Dogg: First let me preface this by saying that make sure that you are in the appropriate bar before selecting this song, and even then go with the edited version. Next, you will only find success if your intention is to look foolish and have fun. Exaggerated hand gestures and poser attitude is a must. (Hence why I said to chose your bar wisely, least you start a gang war.) I have only a few goals left for my time in Seattle and one of them is to get Dino to sing this song with me in a karaoke bar. We will lay the mack down indeed.

-Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham: So here is the thing...most people cannot sing well. If they could, they would be making millions of dollars performing in front of sold out crowds. Karaoke is all about having fun and no shame. So this is why this song is money in the bank at the karaoke bar. It is funny no matter who sings it, as long as you have fun with it. Just try to sing this song without cannot be done. It is always a crowd favorite and because it is not a commonly selected song, people will respond to it better than one that is picked every night.

- Anything by The Four Seasons, Neil Diamond, The Doors, Weezer, Billy Idol, or any one-hit wonder from the 80s.

The Worst:

- The Queen of Hearts by Juice Newton: I just don't get this one. No normal human likes this song and yet at least once a night some drunk chick with choose this song. It requires no talent to sing and it does nothing for the crowd.

- With Arms Wide Open by Creed: Haven't we been punished enough by having to listen to Scott Stapp sing this shit without having to hear some drunk dude do his best impression of the loser? It is the same thing every time, he stumbles up the stage and he tries his best to sing from the back his throat as he tries to keep up the words on the screen. Then he tries to spread his arms "wide open" and realizes after the first time that he can only use one hand because the other is holding the microphone. So then you have endure the shitty song with drunk guy spreading one arm out. I hate this song and wish that it were banned, not just from karaoke bars but from all media outlets as well.

- Summer Nights by John Travolta and Olivia Newton John" First let me say that no other man can sing like John and every man alive should be grateful for that blessing. Next let me say that there is only one song from Grease that is worth singing and that is Grease Lightening. I will never understand why couples continue to get in front of a bunch of people and sing this stupid song. It is always accompanied by nervous giggling by the singers, cringing by the audience, and lifetime of shit talking about the guy's friends. Just don't do it.

- Unchained Melody by any artist: Guess what folks, no one can sing this song well. No matter how much you drink, this will not change. So don't even try.

- Anything by Shania Twain, Dido, The Dixie Chicks, Alanis Morrisette, Garth Brooks, Britney Spears, Whitney Houston, Michael Bolton, Celine Dion, or Barry Manilow. is MC with Dino before they left for Mt. Rainer for the second time.

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