Sexy Never Left

So four days after it appeared in my mailbox, I am finally done with this week's double issue of People Magazine. (Having a funeral and family in town can really set you back on pop culture studies...let alone starting that damn paper I need to write for class). Now back in my earlier days, I used to love the Sexiest Man Alive issue however it impresses me less every year. Not ripping on Matt Damon...but I really think that this one is a stretch. Sure he was nice to watch in the Bourne Series but I can't imagine that he is the type of guy that you would rattle a girl so much that she would spend all day hoping she would get to hear his voice.. Again...not ripping on Matt or any of the other guys in the magazine but I just don't care.

So rather piggyback off of what the fine people at People Magazine wrote about guys that everyone already knows are good looking...I am going to piggy back off a different article. One that is very near and dear to me...Sexy Songs from the past 20 years...at least according to People Magazine. Rather than discuss all twenty songs...I will only mention the ones that I actually have any sort of opinion about, which shockingly is not that many.

1987-1989: Don't care.

1990: Wicked Game by Chris Isaak - I think that this was an obvious pick for the sexiest song of 1990...since in my opinoin that only other song released that year that comes close is Nothing Compares 2 U. I have never really studied the lyrics of this song since it doesn't matter Chris Isaak is singing about because it just sounds hot. I knew the chorus of course but I have never looked at all the lines (even though there is only like ten that just keep getting repeated). This article inspired me to take a closer look and all I can say is WOW!!! Even more surprising than that the fact that this song slipped under my radar is the fact that it is not the opening line that haunts me. It is the second line. Nevertheless...it is a great pick.

1991-1992: Don't care

1993 - Can't Help Falling in Love by UB40: All I can say is...YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! First of all...this is a cover so it should be ineligble based on that factor alone. Second of all, nothing about UB40 is sexy. Finally...the song was used as the love theme for a movie about a stalker. NOTHING is sexy about a stalker unless it is Jon Bon Jovi doing the stalking. Speaking of DA MAN...this brings me to the real injustice of this pick. 1993 is the year that Bed of Roses came out. Bed of Roses is one of the sexiest ballads ever written. End of story.

1994- 1997: Don't care

1998 - I Don't Want to Miss A Thing by Aerosmith: I agree that it is a sexy song, and looking back at the other songs released during this year...I would have to say that it is a toss up between this song and Crash into Me by The Dave Matthews Band. More importantly, I feel compelled to say that 1998 was a pretty shitty year for music...what with the releases of classics such Barbie Girl, MMMBop, Wannabe, and Brimful of Asha.

1999 - Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls: One might think that I would be sick of blogging about this song...but you would be wrong. I never get sick of this song. It is the sexiest song on the People list...quite possible the sexiest song ever. Every time I hear it (or write about it) I fall in love with it all over again. I have mentioned hot lines in previous blogs but the nice thing about this song is that all of the lines are hot so I can mention another one without repeating myself. "All I can taste is this moment and all I can breathe is your life, cause sooner or later it's over and I don't want to miss you tonight." (This is the only line I will mention in tonight's blog.)

2000 - Don't care

2001 - Hero by Enrique Iglesias: Clearly this is a sexy song...but it is also very sweet. It is not overtantly sexy, which is nice. It is also very catchy in the sense that it has also been stuck in my head for the past couple of weeks for some reason. I think that the reason that I like this song so much is because it seems to understand that sometimes the damsel in distress just needs a hero.

2002 - Your Body is a Wonderland by John Mayer: The title alone should tell you that this is a sexy song. I don't think that it is sexier than Where Are You Going which also came out in 2002 (a week before I left for boot camp if I remember correctly). It is about equally as sexy as Here is Gone which is also a 2002 release. However it is no where near as sexy as The Honey & the Moon, which pretty much went unnoticed during 2002. (It wasn't until it was on the American Wedding soundtrack in 2003 that anyone paid any attention to it.) I am not surprised that my beloved song (#1 played song on the Millie iPod if anyone is keeping score) didn't make the list. It is a sexy song yet a sad song. I also kind of like that short of the people who read my blog...most people have never heard of it so it is sort of a secret between my blogging buddies and I.

2003 - 2004: Don't care

2005 -You're Beautiful by James Blunt: Okay when this song first came out, I was in total awe. I seem to remember that the first time that I hear it left me speechless. (Not an easy feat by any means.) There is no doubt in my mind that it was the sexiest song of 2005. There is also no doubt that it was the most overplayed song of 2005 and the opening line makes me ram the car in front of me. I love this song...I just can't bear to hear it.

2006 - Sexyback by Justin Timberlake: This has to be a joke. Just because a song has the word Sexy in it does not make it a sexy song. Furthermore...if you have to tell people that you are "bringing sexy back" you are probably not achieving the intended goal. (See Simpsons episode 3F21 if my point is unclear to you. The last scene nails my point. Although the debate is about being cool verses being sexy, the same rules apply.) In my humble opinion...the sexiest song of 2006 was Be Without You by Mary J Blige.

Millie the Slacker

Well folks...all of the excitement of Disney Princesses on Ice has worn me out. No blog tonight.

Great Movies With Terrible Endings

Don't you hate it when a great movie gets ruined by terrible ending? By terrible I mean...really really LAME! I expect cheesy endings at the end of chick flicks, or any movie made by Disney, etc. I do not expect them from movies that are supposed to kick ass. Here are few that really piss me off.

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi - This is an obvious one, since I think that every REAL Star Wars fan thought the ending sucked. I am only including this so that you have an understanding of what I am talking about. How could the greatest movie series of all time end with the protagonists dancing around with a bunch of Ewoks???????? Seriously, every damn time I see C3PO dancing around I want to throw something at the TV. I get that everyone was happy to be rid of the Emperor and all that...but was dancing in a tree village with Stormtropper helmets for drums the best that you come up with? I get mad just thinking about it. What in the hell would a damn droid know about happiness anyway?

The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King - So apparently making a trilogy is free pass to use the LAMEST endings possible. Sorry...I don't buy it. The problem with this lame ending is that it just goes on and on and on. First of all...why is that after Frodo woke up everyone entered the room one at a time? I guess it was meant to be a cinematic curtain call but it came off lame. The madness could and should have ended there but sadly it did not. What gave Gimli the right to crown the king? He was a dwarf for God's Sake!!! Why would a dwarf crown a man? I also wonder who thought it was necessary to make Viggo Mortensen aka Aragorn sing that damn song...ruining the tough manly man image that we all loved? It still doesn't stop there...because soon we were at the damn boat scene. Sure I shed a few tears at the end when Frodo was saying goodbye to Sam as he is leaving to go "Into the West" but did they really need to drag the damn scene out like ten minutes. (Possibly a slight exaggeration but if you have seen the movie...you get my point.) All of the major characters already had what should have been their final scene of the movie during the whole bed scene and the singing part...so was it really necessary to have a sappy goodbye at the boat? I think not.

Titanic - Okay so maybe this one doesn't belong on this list since it is considered by many to be a chick flick. Though they will never admit, I know that most of my male buddies who got dragged to this movie when it came out actually enjoyed most of it so it passes the test and is on the list. So we are led to believe that old lady Rose dies at the end of the movie and all of her Titanic buddies are waiting for her in Titanic heaven. I have two problems with this that go beyond the sheer sappiness of the clapping and gathering at the clock. The first is that Rose was a spoiled first class girl. I can speak with the confidence that comes from being a former spoiled brat that there is no way that she knew the crew or "lower deck" people on the ship, with the exception of the few she met with Jack. Yet somehow there were all there in Titanic heaven waiting for her, smiling away. You mean to tell me that out of all of those people there wasn't at least one of them who pissed that the rich bitch lived and they didn't? Unlikely but whatever. My second problem with this is that I know that she met Jack on the ship and they were happy there and all...but seriously...why would your heaven be the worst thing that ever happened to you? I mean...Jack died because of that damn ship and yet you want him to spend eternity there? SELFISH! If I almost drowned and lost the love of my life in a shipwreck...my heaven would anything but the same damn ship.

The Last Samurai - This movie kicked ass but the end was hard for me to buy into. I know that the character Katsumoto was supposed to be a sensitive warrior...but are we really supposed to believe that his last thoughts were of flowers?

Robin Hood Prince of Thieves - This one is also iffy because any movie with a love theme is usually a chick flick by default. Nevertheless, I still haven't been able to figure out how the Sheriff of Nottingham's guards were never able to find Robin Hood's hideout, yet King Richard had no trouble galloping in at the end after having been gone from his country for years. Don't get me wrong, even as a 9 year old pop culture geek in training I thought it was cool to see Sean Connery but give me a break.

I know this sounds a bit cynical for me. Please don't take it to heart. I enjoy all of these movies...I just think that the directors took it one step too far. If I want to see sentimental endings, I will watch any one of the chick flicks that fit the bill such as Beaches, The Bodyguard, or The Notebook. When I watch a kick ass movie...it should kick ass until the credits roll.

Challenge Accepted

So I was halfway through today's blog when this came my way. It is almost embarrassing to accept this one because it is so easy...

The Challenger: TL, who is one of my oldest and dearest friends in the world from my school girl days.

The Challenger's Song: The Promise by When in Rome (Millie iPod playcount 28)

The Response: Everything by Lifehouse (Millie iPod playcount 22) - So this was an easy pick, as it is the first song that came to mind. While I doubt that there is a Smallville fan alive who would not have made the same choice, there is more to it than just the fact that it was the first Clark and Lana love song on the show. So let's break it down.

Pro: It is a very hot song.
Con: It is a long song and I usually lose interest 3 1/2 minutes into it which might explain the low play count number.

Pro: It is not mainstream popular so there is potential for the "surprise" factor.
Con: It can come off a little needy.

Pro: The song has power ballad similarities.
Con: Lead Singer Jason Wade does not possess the vocal capabilities to pull of a power ballad.

Pro: It has a very intimate opening.
Con: The intimate opening lasts too long. Jason doesn't stop whispering the lyrics until minute four and as I mentioned before...I usually skip to the next song about halfway through.

Opening Line: Find me here and speak to me, I need to feel you, I need to hear you.

Closing Line: Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Best Line: How I can stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Cheesiest Line: You are the hope that keeps me trusting.

Romantic Line: Cause you're all I want, you're all I need, you're everything.

Crazy Stalker Line: You are the life to my soul.

Worst Line: N/A

Is it worth downloading?
Yes if you like sappy romantic songs. It is one of the better Lifehouse songs in my opinion but take that into consideration for a moment. Lifehouse has put out some catchy songs, but they are cookie cutter pretty boy band. They are a middle of the pack band at best, who got lucky with a few songs. (Not being mean, just honest.)

I hope that this isn't the best you've got Todd. Next time bring your A Game...or don't waste my time.

(Laughing at you.)

The Best of the Stupid

So we have all heard them...those songs that make us say WTF? Here is my list of the songs that manage to be both incredibly dumb and entertaining. Enjoy.

1.) Another Postcard by The Barenaked Ladies: So this song makes absolutely NO sense. It is the strangest and stupidest song I have ever had the pleasure of hearing. I heard it and immediately thought it was a joke. The BNL are slightly weird to begin with...what with being the first band to ever ask if they can make pre-wrapped sausages why can't they make pre-wrapped bacon...but this song took them to whole new level. I bought the Everything to Everyone Album for this song and never really listened to any other track. This song also inspired my greatest prank to date...the 309 pictures of chimpanzees that were mailed to Todd over a 7 month period from 26 (I think) different states. The winning line: "At first I thought it was funny but now I have money on a monkey fight."

2.) Peaches by The Presidents of the United States: Okay so the sexual references in this song are abundant...but nevertheless...this song is flat out dumb. Its' catchy tune and hilarious video cemented its' place in 90s music history...but let's face it...the guys had to be high when they wrote it. The winning line: "If I had my little way, I'd eat peaches everyday, sun-soaking bulges in the shade."

3.) Dominated Love Slave by Green Day: This song barely makes the list because it is my belief that it was intended to be dumb. I will not list a line from this one because they are all equally stupid. I must have been about 11 when this song resurfaced and I thought it was cool to sing it out loud. Oh well...moving on.

4.) Scotty Doesn't Know by Lustra: This song became a hit after the movie Eurotrip came out. Perhaps it is the fact that in the movie Matt Damon is playing a punk rocker as he sings this song in front of poor Scotty...but this song is the best part of the whole damn movie. I tried for about a week to download this song before breaking down and buying the soundtrack from Amazon. It was worth it for this one song. Most of lines are pretty raunchy but here is the safest line from the song. I will leave it to your imagination to figure out what is the line before it...or you can YouTube the song and see the clip from the movie. "Its a three-way call and he knows nothing."

Mope by The Bloodhound Gang: Here is a yet another song that hooked me with its opening line but not in a good way. "Tried to O. D. on the Cold-Eeze". Okay so it isn't technically the opening line...since there is spoken words at the beginning...which are always comical. I don't think anyone was expect Falco! (Listen to the song.) It is hard to narrow down the stupidest line so I will go with "I like to pretend I'm speed reading" as opposed to "I like to dance naked in front of my pets." As a bonus...this song has "cameos" by both Pacman and Homer Simpson. It is by far the dumbest song on this evening's list. To be fair...any song by The Bloodhound Gang could take its place...as they all are pretty damn stupid.

So there you have it. As terrible as all of these songs are...each one of them is on my iPod, which begs the question of who is more stupid? The person who wrote them or the dumbass who paid $0.99 to download them?

America's Past Time is in the Gutter

Damn it all but I think that baseball is going to be a contributing factor to the major freakout that I swear is only days away. There were three major baseball headlines and each one pissed me off.

1.) Barry Bonds got indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice. The fact that he got indicted doesn't piss me off, it's the fact that people are surprised by it. Of course he knew...

2.) The Choke Artist apparently has negotiated an obscene deal with the Yankees. Sure it isn't confirmed but it is pretty much a done deal according to every media outlet. $275M for someone who cracks under pressure is damn insanity. I swear the entire Steinbrenner family must be out of their damn minds. Why else would they put out that kind of money for someone who can get you to the playoffs but never to the big dance? (Bostonians...I wear a medium jersey.)

3.) Even my beloved Derek Jeter is in hot water because apparently he didn't pay NY taxes!!! I don't know the details but I am not inclined to side with him on this one. How can you be a Yankee but say you are not a New Yorker???

Maybe I should start following Equestrian or something. Baseball has been really rough on me the past couple of years.

A Little Goo Never Hurt Anybody

A week late but here it is as promised...(Though TL was the only one who seemed to notice or care that I am late.) Here is my review of The Goo Goo Dolls new greatest hits album as well as my pick for the best line of each song. (I really love lyrics!)

#1 - Let Love In: I think that this song is overrated and an extremely poor opening choice. It never even cracked the Billboard Top 10. I immediately perceived this as a bad omen, since in true Millie Fashion, I never look at the back of a CD until I have heard it. There is no line worth quoting so let's move on.

#2 - Dizzy: This should have been the opening track...except that it would seem like an attempt to channel the 1998 Dizzy Up the Girl Album. It is a decent hybrid of love and rock which makes it a winner in my book. It was overshadowed by Iris when it was originally released so I am a little surprised it made the cut. Its' winning line: " I want kick at the machines that made you piss away your dreams and tear down your defenses until there is nothing left but me."

#3 - Here is Gone: Not a bad song but to be honest I had forgotten about it until I heard while prepping to write this blog. I think what makes it good is that it is real. You can hear the pain throughout the entire song. It passes the Millie Test for one reason...you guessed it...the opening line. "You and I've got something but it's all and then it's nothing to me."

#4 - Slide: Probably one of the Goo's most popular songs and for good reason. It is a catchy tune with a good beat, good lyrics and just fun to sing. I remember the girls and I singing it in the hallways during high school and while cruising down Montgomery after school. It cemented my love for the Goo and I never get sick of it. It also would have been a great choice for the opening song to this album. Oh well. The opening line is SUPER hot but it is too clear of a choice for the line of the song. So I will go with another good choice..."I want to wake up where you are and I won't say anything at all."

#5 - Name (new version): Johnny Johnny...Why would you mess with a classic? This is the song that launched you into the mainstream for God's sake. This song was great the first time...and now it is annoying. But not enough to forgo a line winner so here it is: "Did you lose yourself somewhere out there? Did you get to be a star?" (Okay two lines but they go together.)

#6 - Stay With You: I could go either way with this song. It reminds me of all that is great about the Goo yet shows that they have probably reached their creative peak. By-gones really. I think that it bugs me because the winnning line from this song reminds me of the best line ever written and it kind of pisses me off. Anyway...the line: "Take my hand now, we'll run forever." Hmmmm... Sounds like the generic Walmart version of "Take my hand and we'll make it I swear." Stay away from Bon Jovi.

#7 - Before It's Too Late: Okay...so it must be the sappy romantic in me but I love this song. I reminds me of my beloved 80s power ballads. It is currently the #8 song on my iPod, which is saying something considering it is a newer song (released in 2007 on the Transformers Soundtrack) and it is #8 out of 2218. I have always been a sucker for Movie Love Themes. The line: "And the risk that might break you is the one that would save, a life you don't live is still lost."

#8 - Broadway: I have always hated this song and always will. I am sure that it has some deep meaning but I can't listen to it long enough to get it. I don't have a line for this song because it sucks. You can't squeeze juice from a rock.

#9 - Feel the Silence: When did this come out? I don't think that I've ever heard it before. So let's move on.

#10 - Better Days: So I guess that this song is about Christmas which is cool. I just never really understood why the Goo was the one singing it. It seems a little too warm fuzzy for the Goo. Oh well. Here is the winning line for this one: "And the one poor child that saved the world and the 10 million more who probably could if we all stopped and said a prayer for them."

#11 - Big Machine: Okay now come on!!!! This song was never popular, never good, and yet made the cut???? This song is a filler and we fans deserve better than this. No line for you!

#12 - Black Balloon: This is another great song that I can't hear enough. It is another song that was overshadowed by Iris. I think that I love this song because it narrates the childhood (childish maybe?) hope that someone actually sees and gets me. The opening line is good, but in this case...it is the last line that clinches it. "And I'll become what you became to me." If that is isn't the ultimate promise, I don't know what is.

#13 - Sympathy: Okay so this one has a spot in my heart for several reasons. One, the video was filmed in Las Vegas and therefore reminds me of the Wild West Days of Millie. Two, it is the best apology song ever....which brings us to Three...it is what finally made me forgive and become friends with RK again. Without a doubt it was the best song to come out of the 2002 Gutterflower album. The line: "Its hard to lead the life you choose when all your luck's run out on you and you can't see when all your dreams are coming true."

And Grand Finale...#14 - Iris: No surprise here. If you follow the Millie Blog, you know that I LOVE this song. It has one of the greatest opening lines EVER. It is without a doubt one of the hottest songs ever written. It was the perfect way to end the Goo Goo Doll's Greatest Hits because it is their best song ever. (It is also a movie love theme.) I could go on and on but I won't because I doubt that there is anyone who isn't familiar with the song since the radio stations did everything that they could to overplay the damn thing. Clearly...the line winner is the opening line and although it obvious I am still going to go with it as well as the second line because it is my blog and I can do whatever I like. "I'd give up forever to touch you because I know that you feel me somehow. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't want to go home right now." Truthfully, I could quote the whole song because every line is great. This is one of those rare songs that works from every angle. I am glad they saved it until the end of the album because all was forgiven at its conclusion.

Overall...not a bad choice of songs, with the exception of a few. I wish that they would have included Naked, Ain't It Unusual or Acoustic #3 but oh well. I know that it was the Goo Goo Dolls Greatest Hits but I doubt that anyone would have minded I'm Still Here being on the album. It was wise to leave Give A Little Bit since it was a cover...better than the original but nevertheless a cover.

Finally...5 out of the 14 songs came off of the Dizzy Up the Girl Album. In the unlikely event that this blog as motivated you to go out an buy some Goo...do yourself a favor and buy Dizzy Up the Girl and iTunes the few good songs are not on the Dizzy Album.