Thursday, October 2, 2008

Birthday Suits Abound

Holy Smokes...my Facebook obsession has come back something fierce. I think that it is largely due to my lack of sleep but that's okay. If I wouldn't have gotten a crabby phone call asking about the blog this evening...I might not have been able to tear myself away from the world of Facebook, where I spent the evening throwing virtual fish and Vice President Candidates at people. So upon surfing my favorite sites looking for inspiration...here is my take on EWs 30 Unforgettable Nude Scenes.

30: Jason Segel in Forgetting Sarah Marshall: So I just saw this movie last night and I loved it. I think that it is an incredibly smart move to have Jason nude in the beginning of the movie. It made the whole scene all the more awkward and for that reason, people can relate to him. He won serious "lost puppy dog" points in my book. Hell, Jason is becoming one of my favorite comedic actors. Maybe I can convince Neil to get an autograph.

29: Uma Thurman in The Adventures of Baron Munchausen: Never seen it so I can't say it.
28: Julianne Moore in Short Cuts: I have seen the movie and can honestly say that I had forgotten the whole nude scene. So for me...it just doesn't make the cut.

27: Donald Sutherland in Animal House: So, so, so gross.

26: John Cleese in A Fish Called Wanda: Funny and yet oddly disturbing at the same time.

25: Bart Simpson in The Simpsons Movie: Funny but unfortunate because it sparked an overuse of the phrases "I like men" and "Bountiful penis". Oh well...it is certainly the most unexpected one so far on the list.

24: Craig Daniel in Casino Royale: Quite honestly the only reason for a girl to see this movie is to see this scene. Never mind the whole torture part of it...the man takes good care of his body and boy did he show it in this movie.

23: Brigiette Bardot in Le Mepris: I have never even heard of this movie or the actress.

22: Kate Winslet in Titanic/Iris/Little Children: So quite honestly...if I looked this smoking while in the buff...I would probably want to show it off it too. The nice thing is that the each movie takes the nudity to a different level. It Titanic it was all about innocence lost in young love, in Iris is was all about deep and sensual love, and in Little Children it desperate passion which shows that she is smoking hot and a great actress.

21: Peter Sellers in A Shot in The Dark: Never seen it and guessing that for that I should be grateful.

20: Viggo Mortensen in Easter Promises: Now I must say that the movie was amazing without the nudity. The nudity just took it to another level of greatness. Viggo is a damn sexy man.

19: Sacha Baron Cohen in Borat: So gross and yet so funny.

18: Kirk Douglas in Saturn 3: WTF is Saturn 3?

17: Mark Wahlberg in Boogie Nights: Still can't get past the fact that I first saw this with Big Red so I think that the nudity was lost on me. Besides...there wasn't much left to see after the CK ads...not that I am complaining about either.

16: Elizabeth Hurley and Mike Myers in Austin Powers: More funny than sexy...and the joke went on for a little bit longer than needed.

15: Russell Crowe in Hammers Over the Anvil: Once again I must WTF is this movie?

14: Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminal: There is no denying that the Govenator had an amazing body back in the day. Plus he rocked the accent so mucho bonus points.

13: Daryl Hannah in Splash: I haven't seen this movie since I was a kid so I have no real memory or opinion of the lack of clothing. I suppose that they had to make her naked at some point though based on the fact that she was a mermaid for goodness sake.

12: Graham Chapman in The Life of Brian: More important than why he needed to be naked in this movie is the question of why I have seen it more than once?

11: Cast of Calendar Girls: Have to admit that I have never seen it. I have heard that it is tasteful and funny and blah blah blah but the fact is that I want to hide from the future in that regards as long as possible.

10: Cast of The Fully Monty: At the risk of sounding sexist...I found this to be cinematic genius. It was so funny that the yuck factor was practically nonexistence.

9: Will Ferrell in Old School: So so so funny. It definitely brings back some memories from my younger, wilder days. This really was the last truly funny movie that Will has made.

8: Tyler Nilsen in Walk Hard: The randomness of the scene made it funny but nothing spectacular.

7: JULIAN SANDS, RUPERT GRAVES, and SIMON CALLOW in A Room With a View: Never seen it but doubt that I will. Why where a bunch of grown men frolicking in the water together?

6: Charlton Heston in Planet of The Apes: Somewhat disappointing. He lost some of his sexy appeal when he lost his clothes. I am not sure why but he did.

5: Diane Keaton in Something's Gotta Give: The nudity in this move is totally awesome. It is funny and tasteful...and didn't seemed forced into the script like some nudes scenes are. Totally awesome.

4: Kathy Bates in About Schmidt: Good for Kathy for feeling comfortable and confident enough to do...bad for those of us who were not warned about it prior to seeing the movie.

3: Sylvester Stallone in Demolition Man: Not sexy and unnecessary.

2: Beverly D'Angelo in National Lampoon's Vacation: I can't say that I really remember it. I prefer Christmas Vacation to Vacation so that is probably why.

1: David Kelly in Waking Ned Devine: Once again...I have never heard of the movie.

So basically what it boils down is that the wrong people are doing nude scenes. Sure there were a few treats but here is my list of men that I think should rock their birthday suits on the big screen.


Jon Bon Jovi...he is practically naked in this picture anyway so he might as well give it up.


Eric Bana...did you see his body in Troy? I bet the man looks smoking with all of his clothes on the floor.


James Marsden: Something tells me that he works out...and if one puts in the effort...why not show it off?


Tom Welling...now we know that he works out and after suffering through seven seasons (and counting) of Smallville I would say that I have earned the right to take a peak at the man of steel.

Finally...I am trying to figure it out...but I am trying to devise a plan involving naked Yankees. I am not sure that it could be a movie but maybe for charity or something. No matter how it takes place...everybody wins.

9 comments:

The Kiskadian said...

God Damn Milville. Your fans of this blog are mainly dudes so why the fuck would you put a bunch of half naked dudes on here. No cool Milville. Not fucking cool at all!

arodschick said...

I totally support naked Yankee baseball! Make it happen chicka!

parker said...

What's left to see? Those last pics are practically naked!

donald said...

Dear God I would rather read about how great you think the Yankees are than even think about them naked! Worst post ever!

vince said...

what exactly is facebook?

patrick said...

Naked baseball sounds painful. How could they slide? Besides, things tend to falail about. Ever tried to run in the nude?

The Kiskadian said...

If I was a star I would totally rock my shit on the big screen. I look damn good in the nude!

THE TODD said...

What an odd post for you Mil. I wouldn't expect you to devote so much time to nudity.

I will cross my fingers for you and the whole naked baseball thing working out. I will also cross my fingers that I never have to see it if and when you work it out.

THE TODD said...

Robin you are wearing just as much clothing as the dudes in the post on your profile pic so how can you bitch?

Hate to break it to you but no one would pay to see you naked because everyone who knows you has seen you and all of your glory. I think in your case the shock factor would be keeping your clothes on.