Sunday, March 1, 2009

You Gotta Fight....

There's no place like home....but when you are a nomad like me it can be hard to know where exactly home is. Is the place where I get my mail? Is it the house where I grew up? Perhaps it is the town where I grew up in as I still feel comfortable there...and yet still feel the same desire to get the hell out of there shortly after arriving. Who really knows.

I have spent the past few days thinking about the journey to New Mexico and the memories are good and bad. But mostly it has made me think of fights. I am not talking about little arguments (though there were several of those) but I am talking about all out ass kicking brawls where the only real winners are those watching them. (Is it any wonder considering that I had a front row seat to two such brawls in less than a week?) For privacy purposes... I will not recall the details of those fights and instead recall a few of my favorite fights in the world of pop culture.

#5 Daniel vs Johnny in The Karate Kid:

OK so only a pop geek like me would love this fight scene but I honestly do. There is something about the way that Daniel limps his way out to the mat that really makes me want Daniel to kick Johnny's ass in spite of the fact that if it were real life and not a movie...poor Daniel wouldn't stand a chance. It is not a fight that withstands the test of time...watching it now it is blatantly obvious that it is poorly choreographed but it is great and timeless for two reasons. The first is because it gave me one of my favorite pop culture lines to use...the infamous "Sweep The Leg" line that I still use to this day (though no one has actually done it for me :( but that is not the point) and more gave the world the "Crane Kick". Is there anyone who hasn't practiced their own crane kick since this movie came out? I just hope that no one was dumb enough to actually try it in a fight because they would have no doubt provoked quite the ass beating.

#4 Martin Blanke vs Creepy Bad Guy in Grosse Point Blank:

I really really love this scene. I don't know if John Cusack has ever been sexier than he was in this movie...and in this fight. I had never thought of John as a bas ass until this movie. The hits look real as do the results of the hits. And how pimptastic is John as he flicks the lid off of that pen before jamming it into the bad guy's throat?

#3 Paul Sheldon vs. Annie Wilkes in Misery:

This is probably the first and only time I really wanted a guy to kick the shit out of a woman. This fight scene kicks ass because it is not just a is a fight for a man's life. Adrenaline starts pumping just watching the movie. The best part is that you get your money's worth. By all standards...Annie should have been out from the start after Paul brings his typewriter down on her head. And yet that is where the fight gets good. Annie catches on fire, both parties choke the hell out of one another which ends with the best eye poking scene in movie history. Annie shots Paul who keeps fighting the good fight in spite of his two broken legs. The absolute best part is when Paul finally gets the upper hand on Annie and begins to shove the remains of her beloved Misery novel in her mouth giving one of the best lines of the entire movie: "You want it? Eat it! Eat til you choke you sick twisted Fuck!" Annie gets in one last good kick but it is not enough. Paul uses his broken leg to trip Annie who cracks her head on the typewriter. Funny how the fight starts with the typewriter and ends with it.

#2 Daniel vs Mark in Bridget Jones 1:

(OK so I know that this clip has the scenes from 1 & 2...couldn't find a Youtube clip without them both. We're only talking about the first now.) This used to be my favorite fight ever! I love the way that Colin Firth punches Hugh Grant who arrogantly stands back up and gives Firth a chance to punch him in the face again. It just gets better from there. What with "Christ not again" comment to the eager announcement to the restaurant that there is fight (even though it takes a couple of seconds for anyone to care) the scene goes for good to great. Truthfully this scene works because it highlights the fact that while we are all great fighters in our heads...that is probably not the case in reality. This is one of the least manly fights in all of movies and I love it for that. I absolutely love the way that they keep apologizing to the people who are caught in the midst of their battle. However the absolute best part is when they take a break from their battle to sing happy birthday to a stranger at the restaurant. The British are always so polite. Seriously though...this one of the funniest and best fights in a movie ever...and can only be topped by the outrageous folks at South Park.

The best fight in pop culture history is....

#1 Cartman vs Wendy in Breast Cancer Show Ever:

Ok so I have already blogged about this so there isn't too much to say about it now except that it is FUCKING AWESOME! Anyone that has ever watched South Park knows that Cartman deserves an ass beating and it is utterly fantastic that it came from Wendy. I never get tired of watching it...hence why it is on my iPod.

Sweep the leg folks...Sweep the leg.


MoVi said...

you never answered which of the two fights that you saw was the best? I think that it was RK vs MF (see I play by your privacy rules Chicka!)

i had a blast chillin with ya again Chicka. Time might change how hot we are but it doesn't change da fact that we are DA SHIT together. you better hit me up the next time that you are here.

love ya as much as ever Chicka!

Victor said...

Great post! Don't disappear for another couple of weeks again okay? I love reading your blog!

THE TODD said...

I am so pissed that I missed the fight.

Call me soon and let me know how you are doing. I have been worried since the last time we talked.

Have you started sleeping again now that you are home?

Conner said...

Sorry to say this but of all of these fights only one is any good and that is the Grosse Point Blank fight. The rest suck and shouldn't even be called ass kicking brawls.

Of course, I am a lover not a fighter so I can't fight for shit.

Maryanna said...

Am I to understand from Monica's not so subtle comment that Robin and Mike got into a fight?


The Kiskadian said...

You should already know the details. I beat the shit out of him. I will beat the shit out of him every time I see him.

Like a fight between us would end other way. He is a pussy.

The Kiskadian said...

Correction...he is pussy and a coward.

movi said...

You sure the gell fid! I piyt any fool who pisses you off Kiskadian. You're a fucking warrior Man!

Andrew said...

How the fight make you feel Mil? I thought you were fed up with the macho bullshit.

Millie said...

I have said all that I plan to say about the fight.

Robin - Please be good

The Kiskadian said...

What do I get if I am good?

Millie said...

Robin - You get the right to keep posting comments on blog. Don't make me ban you my dear friend.