Sunday, March 15, 2009

He Forced Himself To Go On...Forget Krypton and Keep Going

Much to my own surprise I found myself watching a documentary on the History Channel last night and actually was entertained by it. It was about aliens, ancient astronauts, international travelers...whatever you want to call them. It got me thinking about the question...Are we alone in the universe? It seems rather unlikely but that is not the point of today's post. To be perfectly honest...I don't really care. But it did lead me to tonight's subject...and that is my list of the Top 10 Aliens according to Millie.

So let's get started.

#10: E.T. - Might as well kick off the list with the alien with the biggest heart? This is the only extraterrestrial with his own catch phrase that is still used today. You gotta love E.T. I am well aware that this little guy is probably the most famous and beloved of all aliens so to rank him the Top 10 spot might seem a little strange. I'm not taking anything away from the adorable little international traveler. He is cool and he touched the hearts of everyone in the 80s. I think that his image has been tainted by the remake and the damn radios.

#9: Kang & Kodos from The Simpsons - How these two aliens managed to be come regulars on The Simpsons is beyond me but let's face it...The annual Treehouse of Horror isn't complete until you see them. From their impersonation of Bill Clinton and Al Gore to the time that Kang was revealed to Maggie's true daddy we have had a lot of good laughs with the one-eyed freaks from the planet that cannot be spoken by a human tongue. Much like E.T...there is no fear factor or badass factor attached to them which doesn't give them a lot of alien cred...hence their ranking on the list.

#8: Tripods from War of the Worlds (2007) - I approach every "thriller" movie the same...I try to imagine how I would react if I was in the lead role. When I did this for this movie...I realized that I would be terrified. This should not be taken to mean that I am afraid that Tripods are going to emerge from the ground. The point is that if they did...I am pretty sure that I wouldn't handle it very well. So that is why I had added the Tripods to my list. If I were to ever have an encounter with them....I would totally flip out. There is no escaping their beams...and if they don't kill you on the get trapped inside of them where you get to endure the screams of others until your own demise.

#7: Frank the Pug from Men In Black - OK so Frank is a zero in the fear factor but he gets mad points for being the cutest alien life form ever to grace the big screen. Put him in the black suit and he goes from awesome dog to being pimptastic. You gotta love Frank. Best of all...he was a nice alien. He wasn't out trying to destroy the world and had no plans for any kind of domination...he just wanted to hang out with the cool guys. Who can't relate to Frank the Pug?

#6: The Arachnids from Starship Troopers - Words cannot describe how much I loved and hated this movie. For me I would rather encounter the extraterrestrial from Alien than these foreign freaks. Giant spider-like aliens have got to be the very worst of what the universe has to offer. I think that if these freaks landed on earth I would probably jump on the first boat and live out the rest of my days on the water...mainly because I am pretty sure that these assholes were afraid of the water. Truthfully...I get chills just thinking about them....which is why I love and hate this movie so much.

#5: Xenu - I have chosen the South Park depiction of Xenu because it is surprisingly hard to find pictures of the evil lord who apparently is the cause of everything wrong in planet. I don't know too much about Xenu except that he ranks high in the coolness factor...but only because his evil ways gave us Scientology which has given the world an endless source of entertainment.

#4: The Aliens from Signs - I distinctly remember that I was not the only one screaming in the theater when we first saw the alien sneak out of the trees at the birthday in the movie. These were some freaky foreign travelers...mainly because they looked just like what we all think aliens should be. They weren't dressed up into something fancy or super scary...they were simple and that made them scary. They looked, moved, and sounded just like the aliens in our dreams and we loved them for it.

#3: Yoda from Star Wars - This might be a stretch since in the world of Star Wars it is hard to say who is an alien and who isn't. I will argue that he has to be an alien since he is the only one of his kind and no one is exactly sure where he came from. Add those things to his overall mad skills and reason would lead you to the same conclusion. Yoda has the fear factor going for him because small though he is...he is not one to piss off. Yet Yoda ranks so well on my list for his coolness. He is smart, amusing, and awesome at everything. Who wouldn't want a Yoda of their own? I would gladly share a planet with this little green guy.

#2 The Martians from Mars Attacks - Sure they were as evil as can be but I still love these little martians. In was a little tough not to give them the #1 spot. Just hearing them talk makes me laugh every single time. They were smart...evil little geniuses with far superior technology to ours....which lets face kind of a given for aliens. It would be easy to fear them if they weren't so damn funny.

And the #1 Alien of All Times is...

#1 Kal-el from Krypton - Now this is my kind of alien. Smart, sexy and here to save the world. Always there to save the damsel in distress...Kal-el is more of a gentlemen than damn near every native human being. His almost limitless power makes him a force to be reckoned with but his charm makes him endearing. He is the clear cut winner because unless any of the above are packing kryptonite in their pocket...he would easily destroy them with little effort. And let's not forget that he would be doing it in tights which is a serious bonus. But seriously...the Crash Test Dummies said it best "And sometimes I despair the world will never see another man like him." Without a doubt...Kal-el is the greatest alien ever.


Anonymous said...

No ALF? Shocking for the 80s geek that you are.

Not a bad list but you are also missing The Thing, the Coneheads, Alien, and Marvin the Martian.

Anonymous said...

Only someone who is completely ignorant would say that Scientology is something to be laughed at. Do your research and you will be pleasantly surprised. Someone who is in as poor health as you would benefit from our faith.

It is in your own hands, make the choice to improve your life.

Anonymous said...

Kang and Kodos DO NOT belong on your list. They suck. You are the only only pop culture guru who still shows any love to the Simpsons.

Think about it.

Anonymous said...

L Ron Hubbard gave us Scientology...blame that asshole

Millie said...

Dude...The Thing still scares the hell out of me. Good call.

Anonymous said...

OMG ^^ How could anyone forget to mention the "Alien" of the same titled and world famouse science fiction horror film. The "Xenomorph" is an iconic figure in the whole Sci Fi scene.