Open Letter to All Those Who Are Not Terrified of Spiders

To all those who read this...greetings!

There are two types of people in the world...those who can tolerate spiders and those who cannot. For all who fall into the first category...bravo. You have my respect. I however fall in the second category and I assure that you that I am not alone. A recent ASK JEEVES search informed me that over 50% of people have arachnophobia to some degree. I think that this number is probably higher since most men are not inclined to admit that they are afraid of something that is so significantly smaller than they are. My point is that the odds are that person next you to is afraid of those eight-legged freaks. I bet you never thought of it that way before...have you? The ever reliable source known to Internet junkies as Wikipedia claims that arachnophobia is among the most common of all phobias.

Arachnophobia is the fear of spiders. It is believed that its' history dates back to when Europeans thought of spiders are bringers of the plague and consequently...death. People who suffer from this phobia will often suffer from panic attacks when they see a spider, or a sign of spiders such as spider web. They tend to go to extremes to ensure a spider free environment, as well as avoid spider "hot spots" such as caves, attics, the woods, etc. Extreme suffers have reported vomiting, night terrors, and loss of consciousness after an encounter with a spider.

Some of you might be asking why have I taken a break from my usual pop culture-Yankee loving, Red Sux(not a typo) hating (I bet you can't wait for the baseball season to end so I can start bashing the Philadelphia Eagles instead of the damn Boston Red Sux), all out geeky blogging to discuss this issue? If you are asking this question it is because you found this blog by chance/mistake since just about everyone who has ever spent even a small amount of time with me knows that I suffer from an EXTREME case of arachnophobia. I can testify to the fact that this phobia is quite real. It has prompted me to do things that most rational people would see as completely insane. I have nearly wrecked my car because a spider was on the outside of the window, I have run out into traffic to avoid a spider web, I have fallen out of trees because I thought I saw a spider. No shoe is ever place on a foot without being inspected for one of those creepy crawling bastards, no bed ever crawled into without a complete turn down and sheet inspection, just to be safe. I am Millie and I am completely terrified of spiders.

I have tried to overcome my fear to no avail. I have learned to live with my fear by employing several survival tactics such as surrounding myself with people who are willing to squash the little bastards on my behalf. I have purchased a bug vacuum to protect myself from them when said mentioned people are not around. I have joined a Facebook group to discuss the most effective ways of killing spiders without getting close to them. Most days I can proudly say that I am a spider survivor. However...every now and then I have day when those damn spiders almost get the best of me. I know that this is bound to happen and usually it is not blog worthy however today was a rare exception that should be shared with all arachnophobia-free people.

Today while standing line at Petco...I was patiently waiting to purchase my kitty supplies, minding my own business. As I waited for the nice old cat lady to finish her transactions, I absentmindedly rested my left hand on the counter top. Not even two seconds after resting my hand on that counter did all hell break loose.

See...most suffers of arachnophobia have their own spidey-sense. That is...the ability to sense a spider within twenty of feet of them. (This is not hard to do considering that Wikipedia says that at no point are we ever more than 6 feet away from a spider. Fear forces me into denial regarding this fact...Believe what you will.) Millie's spidey-sense went into overdrive as I hesitantly looked down at the counter only to see my biggest fear in the entire world...a big black, utterly disgusting tarantula. Just writing about him freaks me out and pisses me off all over again.

Yes yes...it was in CLEAR plastic container so I wasn't in immediate danger. I know that now however it is damn near impossible to tell that to someone who is rapidly being overcome by terror. I reacted the only way someone in this situation can...which is let an ear-piercing scream and attempt to get away from what appears to be my immediate doom. Blocking my path to safety was my shopping cart (with Elizabeth inside) and the damn cat lady (how long does it take to pick up a bag of cat treats damn it???!!!!!)! So I pushed that cart forward, nearly colliding with crazy cat lady's leg, still screaming.

The Petco worker looked at me like I had lost my mind (which to some extent was probably an accurate observation) and continues to bullshit with crazy cat lady. Elizabeth stares at me like I am total lunatic and the incredibly rude man behind me is laughing as he asks, "Hey are you afraid of spiders?" What kind of idiotic questions is that?

I frantically respond yes and he says "Its no big thing...want to hold him?" Are you freaking kidding me? I told him no and he said that it would helpful and be really cool. Then he says that it actually tickles when they crawl up your arm. (DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT!) As he offers his words of wisdom, he lifts the damn container right into my face. (DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT!) I swear before God that the damn spider lifted one of its damn legs in a very threatening manner. I loudly said no, please get him away from me as the room continued to spin. Thank god the register next to me opened and the worker asked for the next customer. I was next in line...but couldn't not move. I couldn't do anything but stare at the thing that would certainly kill me if it ever managed to lift that lid. The man laughed and went to the newly opened register. As he put the bastard down on that counter he told me that I'll never get over my fear unless I face it. Who the fuck does this guy think he is and why does he think that he knows the first damn thing about me?

This brings me to my point...I cannot express enough to you spider lovers that I am happy for you and your bliss. I wish you no ill will although the same does not go for the eight-legged bastards you enjoy. I only ask that you consider that there are people out there who do not share your enthusiasm for the creatures. There are some people who will not be able to sleep for several nights without a light on as a result of seeing a spider. It is for these people that I write this.

Not everyone wants to hold a damn spider. In fact...there are those of us who would do just about anything to avoid doing so. Please keep this in mind the next time someone almost crashes a shopping cart into an old woman in attempt to get away from your "pet". Just because you don't have a problem with God's ugliest creatures doesn't mean that you should try to convince the rest of us to like them. There are people in the world who think that a visible spider needs to be turned into a dead spider. No amount of peer pressure, therapy, or "understanding" will ever change their position.

I close by saying that recapping this story was quite traumatic...and it was nearly impossible to add the damn pictures so enjoy the graphics. I HATE SPIDERS!

Random Recap of the Past Week

WTF??????????????

First of all...how can the Yankees blow two big games in one week? Yes...I know that we are going to the playoffs and considering the way the season went this year...we should count our blessings. Yet...twice in one week...the Yankees were up by multiple runs and managed to lose the game in extra innings. Fellow sports fans say that games like that are what make sports worth watching. Well all I have to say about that is that Derek Jeter is what makes baseball worth watching so I will pass on the exciting comebacks unless he is directly responsible for them. Oh well...I'm not ready to jump off my soapbox so let's move on to the next thing on my list.

What is with all the creepy old men? I am not sure when I reached that point where I am officially only attractive to men that are older than my father but it sucks. It's not that I want the young good looking men of the world to flirt with me because there really is no point to it since I am happily married. (Unless you are Derek Jeter or Patrick Flueger...in which case feel free to flirt away.) The point is that it is only dirty old men who flirt with me now and it kind of makes me sick. I mean...why is it okay for someone who joined the Coast Guard before I was born to try to hug me and stare at my chest? I'm fairly certain that if I told some young Coastie to stop staring at my chest that he would do it (or at least be less obvious the next time)...and probably apologize. Not so with the creepy old men. In fact...the one I corrected this week laughed and told me that it wasn't his fault...that there was no where else to look. WTF???????

Moving on....

Was I the only person who was slightly disappointed with the Season 7 Premiere of Smallville?

I have to say...parts of it were exciting...but it seemed like the whole episode was a half ass attempt to wrap up all of last season's loose ends. Let's face it...last season ended with a lot of them but what's the rush to solve them all in the 1st new episode. By this I mean the evil Clark...they could have used this story line for at least three or four episodes. He was hot, he was funny, and after all the kryptonite that he absorbed...he should have been way too strong to be destroyed by a little sunlight.

Lex getting saved by Supergirl was enough for me to already hate the new character...even though I think she has been on the screen for a total of three minutes. That act being motivation for him trying to redeem himself was a stretch. Everyone knows that Lex Luthor is evil...so let's accept it and move on. A spade is a spade... Here's hoping that Lex and Supergirl can become grow more evil together.

So the whole Chloe thing...for me it was the most exciting part of the show...and that's not saying much. They never explained what her ability was or why it saved Lois. Can anyone tell me why whenever someone in Smallville miraculously returns from the dead...no one other than Lex asks questions? I mean...in the real world it would headlines news, prompting serious investigations that would no doubt end in a high paying lawsuit. know it is silly for me to talk about reality when discussing a show about an alien superhero who defeats meteor freaks as a hobby...but I think you see where I am going with this.

I never believed that Lana was really dead (thought I hoped she was)...so I wasn't surprised when they showed her alive and well. I didn't understand why she was dressed slightly slutty somewhere in Asia but hey...I won't complain if they keep there and out of Smallville. The fact that they waited until the end to show her tells me that the writers either think that we viewers were stupid enough to fall for the cheesy death scene at the end of last season...which is kind of insulting. Nevertheless...we know for sure that she is alive and well in far away country...and let's hope that she stays there. I am sick of the on again off again bullshit of Clark and Lana.

So clearly the sarcasm level is running high...which is no surprise. Sleeping (or should I say attempting to) in a crappy hotel bed mixed with spending a few days testing a system that didn't work can make anyone sarcastic. Yer...I am driven by the advice of the men of Monty Python...so let's look at the bright side of life. Maybe next week's TV will be better...maybe no drunk weirdos will be knocking on my door at all hours of the night...Eric will be home and the Yankees will get their chance to kick some ass in the playoffs. Things are good!

And speaking of Monty Python...Spamalot is playing Seattle and I have convinced Dino to go with me...I don't know if he knows what he has gotten himself into.

Blog Hiatus

I will be back blogging on Friday.

May the Force Be With You and of course...

LET'S GO YANKEES!

Excuse me...

Were you saying "Boo" or "Buuurns"?

Well if you are a Yankee fan...you were saying Boo.

Which is not to say that the Yankees didn't put up one hell of a fight tonight. The Boo-ing is a result of the Yankees losing and the damn Red Sox winning. I don't really think that Joe Torre will be fired this year...though it is still too early to say. My point...I just want to see the Red Sox lose. I want to see them choke on all of the shit that they have been talking to their opponents all season long. I want to see "Red Sox Nation" draped in a black cloth of mourning while any other team (Obviously the Yankees are my first choice but I will take any team but the Red Sox) win the world series. What can I say? I get mean when the playoffs are approaching. However rather than focusing this blog on my dislike for members of the Red Sox nation I will defer to the subject of the opening line...C. Montgomery Burns.
I love Montgomery Burns. Hell I even have a cat named after him. He is my favorite cartoon character hands down. Perhaps it is the fact that he is the only "outed" Republican in Toon Town (that I know of)...but something about him makes him the #1 reason that I watch The Simpsons. So in effort to bring some cheer to this day...I will highlight some of my Monty Burns quotes. If you are Simpsons fan...you will know these well...if you are not...what the heck is wrong with you?

-"Bring it on Bitch" In the 13th episode of the 17th season...Monty Burns utters this quote...and it is the best part of the episode. After being challenged by the Texas Oil Guy...Monty looks at him and says said mentioned line. It totally rocked! Nothing more needs to be said.

- "Are you saying Boo or Buuurns?" In the 18th episode of the 6th season, Monty Burns enters his film "A Burns for All Seasons" in the Springfield Film Festival. In true Monty Burns form...he goes all out on the film, sparing no expense to try to show that he isn't evil. After viewing the film...the audience begins to boo loudly, prompting Mr. Burns to turn to Smithers and ask "Smithers are they booing me?" Kiss-ass Smithers quickly replies "No, they are saying Buuurns! Buuurns!" Mr. Burns stands up and faces the audience as he asks "Are you saying Boo or Buuurns?" The audience responds by throwing things at the frail old man and the Boo-ing gets louder, drowning out the timid voice of Hans Moleman, who says "I was saying Buuurns."

- "You know Smithers...I told you so has a brother...it's shut the hell up!" In the 17th episode of the 17th season...Mr. Burns outsources the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant to India. Pure luck allows Homer to become the only employee to keep his job and move to India to run the plant. Thanks to breakfast inspired leadership book provided by Marge...Homer convinces Mr. Burns that he can run the plant by himself. Mr. Burns leaves Homer to run things while he floats down the Ganges with corpses. (Bringing another great quote from Monty. Smithers tells Mr. Burns that the people he is floating with are dead and Monty responds "You never like my friends!") Smithers objects to the putting of Homer in charge (rightfully so), however Monty cannot be swayed. The result is that Homer convinces himself that he is God. So the Simpson family flies to India to save Homer, making their way up the river in a scene that has a very Apocalypse Now vibe. As Mr. Burns explains to the family what has happened to their dad...Smithers tells Mr. Burns "I told you it wasn't a good idea to leave Simpson in charge of the plant." The result..."You know Smithers...I told you so has a brother...its shut the hell up!" The single greatest line uttered by C. Montgomery Burns.

But it wouldn't be a Monty Burns tribute without referencing the greatest Monty Burns overall moment...and that has to be the song and dance..."See My Vest". So join me won't you in singing a classic Simpsons song...lyrics included for max participation. (Not to be confused with Max Power.)

"Some men hunt for sport, others hunt for food.

The only thing I am hunting for...is an outfit that looks good.

See my vest, see my vest made from real gorillas chest.

Feel this sweater, there's no better, than authentic Irish setter.

See this hat, twas my cat.

My evening wear...vampire bat.

These white slippers are albino African endangered rhino.

Grizzly bear underwear, turtle necks I have my share.

Beret of poodle on my noodle it shall rest!

Try my robin suit...it comes one breast or two.

See my vest! See my vest! See my vest!

Like my loafers, former gofers.

It was that or skin my chauffeurs.

But a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best.

So let's prepare those dogs! (Kill two for matching clogs!)

See my vest! See my vest!

Oh please won't you see my vest!

Vote Monty Burns for President in 2008!

One More Thing...

Don't Stop Believin'!!!

To quote the one of the greatest bands ever "Some will win (the Yankees), some will lose (The Red Sox), some were born to sing the blues (Members of the Red Sox Nation).

LETS GO YANKEES!

Help Me, Mr. Covey...I can't focus!

So today I spent most of the day in training learning the Franklin Covey method to focusing. I tend to like Franklin Covey and his work. I have taken his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People course. I even read the 8th Habit book. I have seen some of his workshops (on video of course) and have shopped at the stores that sell his products. Hell...I have even been known to quote him and his teachings from time to time and occasionally it is not in jest. Overall...I think that he was a pretty cool dude. Which is why I am slightly bummed that I left today's training feeling that it was a complete waste of time. I can't even get excited about the planner that they give you because I am staring at the last one that I got...realizing that I am about two years behind on that one!

It didn't help that I was on leave yesterday so I already felt behind, but I will be a conference all next week so that makes the workload seem even more endless. Another strike would be the fact that I was late to the training because I was enduring an eye exam (I HATE all things having to do with eyes!) and walked in with dilated pupils and couldn't really see. The downside to showing up to anything late is that your choice of seats is limited. In this case, there was one seat left, closest to the screen and next to the boss. I actually enjoy LCDR M however it didn't make it that much easier. No one is comfortable sitting next to their boss while discussing reasons why you struggle to do your job. Oh well.

So the consultant (I loathe that word!) started on the whole quadrant thing. Which quadrant should you be in...how to eliminate certain quadrants...etc. Clearly I don't buy off on that and honestly doubt that she does either. After all, if we all heeded her training she will be out of job. Repeat customers like me are what keep her employed so it really isn't in her best interested to teach me well. Not to say that she didn't have some good things to say and teacher...she had some moments...but at no point did I believe that she was truly invested in our group. But I digress...

I think that the whole quadrant theory makes senses...but it is not practical. It is not achievable like the Franklin Covey crew would like you to believe. I don't care how in control of my life and my goals I am in...there will always be outside factors that will force me into crisis mode. No matter what examples we gave to illustrate this...she always defaulted to nurturing relationships and being control of our own priorities, etc....better described as Hippie Talk.

I think my biggest frustration is civilian contractors coming in and trying to pass off this kind of Hippie Talk as the golden key to success when they have no military experience or insight. Nurturing relationships is not easy when you are bound by rank structure. Too much nurturing and you will be investigated for inappropriate relationships. Not only that...but I highly doubt that anyone in my chain of command would accept me telling them that I couldn't obey an order right away because it wasn't on my daily task list. Don't get me wrong...I get the idea behind the methods...but I don't think that it is practical in the military environment. Oh well.

The planner part sucks. I am not one of those people who takes pride in building my own planner. In fact...I think that it is self-defeating and slightly insulting. The whole basis of the class is maximize my time right? Give me the damn planner put together and trust that I am smart enough to figure out what is inside of it on my own! Seriously...if I can't flip through it and figure out the little tabs on my own then I have no business keeping my own schedule in the first place. Aside from the building your own planner part...you spend hours discussing how they think you should use the damn thing. They make using the planner far too much work. I will stick with Microsoft Outlook schedule thank you very much. Let's see that leather planner beep at me when I am running late for a meeting! My final complaint with the planner is what good is a note to do something in a closed book? A post-it on my computer or phone works just as well.

And now in effort to be nice...I will admit that the primary reason that this method doesn't work for me is because of operator error. I bet that if I really tried, and really committed to using it that I would succeed. The problem is my own paradigm. (See...I do use Covey references in day to day life!) It is my own fault and I acknowledge that. I just don't get why I should take on another task with hopes that it will makes things better. It just adds to my list of shit that needs to get done every week. I will stick the SMART Goal sheets that decorate my mirrors for goal planning.

Most days...my job is putting out fires. (Not literally...in fact I have started more REAL fires that put out...but again I digress.) People call me with their "fires" and I fix it. No amount of planning on my part will ever completely solve that. It doesn't matter how many hours I spend on that damn planner with its weekly compass...it is not going to make reservists stop showing up for duty without orders. I don't enjoy fires (real or otherwise) but at the same time I take pride in the fact that I can put them out. It is not an ego thing...anymore than the orthopedic who takes pride in rebuilding destroyed knees. Nobody accuses the doc of sitting around wishing that more people would rupture their ACLs so he can have his moment to shine. So why should Yeoman be accused of stroking the admin fires in order to put them out? Oh well. That is another topic for another night. My hat goes off to the Covey followers and offer them my planners should they be able to use them.

Alas...I will never be super organized but I can't say that I really care.

What A Night!!

Honestly...I don't know where to start! I am torn between blogging about the Yankee game and the season finale of The 4400. (I am apparently the one person in blogger world who doesn't give a damn about the Emmys.) Since I cannot decide which was more exciting I will blog about both since it is my blog and I can do as I please.

I will start with the Yankee game. I will not give the play-by play highlights...because most of you know the deal already...I will give you the Millie highlights which will focus heavily on the appearance of Derek Jeter (you've been warned). On Friday I asked Dino what his predictions for this weekend's series would be. Being a Red Sox fan prompted him to say a sweep for the Red Sox. I laughed and told him that I was being realistic and going to say the Yankees would take it 2-1. (I will not be a brat in the morning and jump around saying "I told you so!" but the desire to do so is there!) I have to say that I was jumping for joy on Friday night when I realized that no matter happened during the next two days...at least I would not have to endure all the bull shit about another Red Sox sweep from the damn Red Sox Nation that has invaded Pier 36 in Seattle. I can handle all of their nonsense...mainly because I default to the fact that no matter what the final score is...Derek still looks better than any guy playing for Boston. I highly doubt that it matters to these guys (or they won't admit it because of the whole "don't ask don't policy of the military)...but it usually ends the trash-talking.

I expected that the Red Sox would pound the Yankees on Saturday so I wasn't too upset about the final score. But I was nervous when I turned on the TV on Sunday to watch the game. The feeling didn't improve when Johnny Damon failed to catch that hit by Ellsbury which resulted in a run. Nevertheless...I continued to switch back and forth between the Yankee game and Mars Attacks! while eagerly awaiting the start of the The 4400.

So skip the rest of the boring innings the top of the 8th. I was super excited to see Joe Torre go ahead and put Jason Giambi in as the pinch-hitter for Molina. (In spite of the whole steroid theories...I really do like Jason, as I think that the man has integrity and is not bad looking, though no Derek Jeter or Jon Bon Jovi.) So Jason did the job and singled to left...getting Mientkiewicz to 3rd. Then Jason got to 2nd before his pinch-runner came in. Johnny Damon grounded out which brought up the amazing Derek Jeter.

I was so nervous watching Derek get to 2-2 that I could barely stand to watch but couldn't look away. (It is damn near impossible to look away from Derek Jeter because the man looks incredible...but I degress.) And then Derek Jeter seized the moment and showed why he is the Captain of the Greatest Team in all of baseball ever. It was a beautiful home run! I love when Derek Jeter has a big play. Not only is it great for the team...but it is always followed by that amazing smile and that endearing fist pump....and all is right in the world. Derek put the Yankees back in the lead and eventually the Yankees won the game...and the series...all because he is DA MAN! It was a great night to be Yankee fan. (It is always a great night to be a Jeter fan because no matter how he is playing..he still looks amazing.)

So on the The 4400. (Spoiler warning...don't read if you haven't watched the show!) I have loved the show since the very first episode...and followed it since. Last week's episode ended with Diana shooting "The Marked" Tom and I was shocked...honestly I was even crying. I have been watching these characters for four seasons and love them. (For the record I know that they are not real so RK don't bother to remind me.) I spent the past week on various blogs and discussion boards with my fellow 4400 devotees guessing what would happen next. Would Jordan really become one of "The Marked"? Was Isabelle really evil again? Did Shawn's brother develop an ability opposite of his brother and become a hand of death (which I have been predicting that he was going to get a bad ability since he has always been in competition with his brother...I mean...nothing can be better than healing people so he had to go the other way with his ability...but again I digress)? Would Tom survive?

The questions were answered tonight and damn it if it wasn't the best episode of the show so far. It opened with Tom vaguely aware that he had been shot. Shawn of course saved Tom...so I knew that the rest of the episode would be great because they tied up that loose end quickly. Havoc is everywhere in Seattle because Shawn's brother Danny is killing people by infecting them with Promicin. Meanwhile...Jordan is still being held captive and is now one of "The Marked".

I skip the little details and mention the moments that made me cry (or at least teared up)...because there were a lot of them.

- I cried when Shawn saved Tom and he was the old Tom. (Tom is tied with Jordan for my favorite character...which is weird since they have been at odds for most of the series but are forging an alliance now.)

- I cried when Danny told Shawn that their mother was died because of his ability.

- I cried when Isabelle started to kill Kyle but couldn't because she loved him.

- I cried when Danny asked Shawn to kill him because he didn't want to hurt anyone else and was in too much pain.

- I really started to cry when Shawn finally granted his brother's wish.

- I cried when Shawn had to bury his mother and brother.

- I continued to cry as Tom comforted Shawn on said losses and Kyle on the loss of Isabelle, and then vowed that the three would get through it together as a family.

In the end...Jordan and his revolution achieved a major victory. They have taken control of Seattle. They are going to heal it and move forward. Jordan is going to find the rest of "The Marked" and stop them. Yet the best part is that for everyone who died as a result of Danny's ability...there is an equal number of people who now have abilities (hooray for 50-50!), including several NTAC agents. Marco...(who is the most underrated character on the show in the opinion of Millie, mainly because he is a geek!) now has an awesome ability which will hopefully get him some more airtime next season.

It was a great episode! Let's hope Season 5 is equally great when it starts again next summer!


And I'll close by plugging Mars Attacks! It was on twice today and both times I watched part of it. If you haven't seen it...you absolutely must rent this movie! It is freaking hilarious! It gets better every time and now I have more lines to quote from it at work tomorrow.

By-Gones

"You've got to remember, you're not who you are...you're only who other people think you are" - Fishism.

I am not ashamed to admit it...I miss Ally McBeal. Of all of the reruns on TV...it is one of the few shows that I would actually enjoy watching even though I have seen every episode at least five times. The older I get...the more I relate to Ally and the rest of the Cage and Fish crew. I understand the need for fantasy to get through the day. It is a coping mechanism that I use often.

Ally once said "Today is going to be a...less bad day. I can feel it. Sometimes I wake up and know that things are going to be less bad." I don't think I understood that when I was a teenager watching the show on prime time. Yet while watching this episode from the comfort on couch at 2310 at night, all the while knowing that 0500 is going to come very early...I sighed when she said those words. It was a sigh of understanding because often victory is having a less bad day. I think that accepting that fact is part of being a "grown up".

This should not be interpreted that I am unhappy. I am actually quite happy with my life. I just don't believe that every day is getting the bad guy and coming home with knowledge that my presence improved the world. I often settle for knowing that my actions didn't make it any worse. But I digress...

I loved Ally McBeal. I still get energized when I hear Searchin' My Soul. (Yes I have the Ally McBeal soundtrack on my iPod.) I often have what I refer to as Millie McBeal moments...moments that would have fit in perfectly for the show. I have danced to Barry White when I having a bad day. And sometimes just for fun...I savor my first sip of coffee...deeply inhale in its scent...allowing the anticipation to build...before finally giving in to temptation and taking that first sip...nice and slow.

I still cringe when Ally has show Happy her teeth the first time she stands before him in court.

I still want to give John Cage a big hug whenever he appears on scene because of his endearing vulnerability.

I would totally poke Richard Fish daily on Facebook because he always had something witty to say. I secretly long for a friend like Richard because I so admire people who accept and thrive as a result of socially perceived flaws. (Probably why I was rooting for the self-proclaimed geeks The Twisted Misters on the 2007 World Series of Pop Culture and definitely the reason that I still talk to RK after all these year. But again I digress.)

And I still cry like a baby every time Billy dies...every damn time. Of course...I never stopped hoping that Billy and Ally would get back together and just when I thought that he was seeing the light...he actually did see The Light and died! I felt cheated. Now even though I know what is happening I still cry and get pissed off and usually walk away from the TV because Billy wasn't supposed to die. He was supposed to realize that he had what he needed all along and reunite with Ally. Of course that probably would have made the series end sooner than it did but anyone who watched the last season knows that it probably wouldn't have been that much a tragedy. I loved the fact that they met as kids, fell in love, and never quite lost that spark up until he died.

Ally was not perfect...she was perfectly crazy. She somehow managed to balance her insanity and her life in a way that worked. It is something that I can related to. She once said "You know what makes my problems bigger than everyone else's? They're mine!" I often feel this way as I try to sort out everyone else's problems. (I know...I know...choose your rate, choose your fate.) It is that craziness that made her Ally and the same craziness makes me Millie. I have yet to see a dancing baby...but I won't be surprised if one day I might.

I have no real point with this post except that I saw the iTunes is now offering The Practice for downloading and it pissed me off. What's with the lack of Ally McBeal love?

Now that it is off my chest I will close with two last thoughts.

1.) The only good thing about the last season of Ally McBeal was Jon Bon Jovi, even though his character Victor was totally out of place and terribly written. However he smiled often and wore tight jeans and therefore all was forgiven.

2.) My favorite Fishism: "Never trust second thoughts! Next thing you know there'll be a third and a fourth...you'll be thinking forever!" I think that following this advice would cure my insomnia.

Hot Songs for use by my single buddies!

While sorting through the iTunes "recommended for you" list...I came across "I Can't Hold Back" by Survivor. I thought...what the hell...its only 99 cents. (The fact that I am addicted to iTunes may have clouded my judgement slightly.) Nevertheless...I have to say it was a great purchase because I realized that this is a really hot song. This made me think of a few other really hot songs that people find strange. Well...maybe not people since RK is one of the few people who will actually debate music with me and as usual...he just doesn't get it. Hear me out.

I Can't Hold Back - Not exactly the first song to come to mind when you think of hot songs, I'll give you that. However...it is another one of those songs that if a guy sang to me...it would have been hard to walk away from him. "I can feel you tremble when we touch and I feel the hand of fate reaching out to both of us." Guys don't usually talk about fate unless it is part of their line or unless they are completed smitten. It very well might be a line in this song. "Now its time to trade those dreams for the rush of passion's fire." Who wouldn't want to give up dreams for real life passion? I would probably agree that "This love affair can't wait" if some guy had said that stuff to me.

The Honey and Moon - I mentioned this song in a previous blog and got a lot of shit for it. RK, Todd, Dino, Rorai and Ali were all bend out of shape because I said that the first line of the song is sure way to hook a girl, yet I didn't include it in the blog. I did this intentionally because you obviously have Internet access if you are reading this and I already gave you the song...earn the date by looking up the damn lyrics!!! Pure spite is keeping me from writing that line now...so I will add my second favorite (and almost as hot of line) from the song that makes it a really hot song..."You're the honey and the moon that lights up my night." I love this line because it is easy to love someone in the day...it is another thing to be loved in the middle of night when there are virtually no distractions to hide whatever imperfections that one might possess. Seriously...go to iTunes and check out this song! It has a hypnotic beat and great lyrics.

These Photographs - This is a more obviously hot song. Joshua Radin is obviously completed infatuated with the girl he is singing about in this song. "Babe it took too long to find in your eyes to find my best surprise." Anyone who has ever been in love can understand this line. Yet the real passion in the song is that he sees beauty in his lover's everyday moments, such as taking a bath, talking on the phone (hopefully not while in the bath for safety reasons of course) and while exiting the car. I think that women liked to be noticed for their more extraordinary features, deep down we want a man who adores our mundane habits as well. "And these photographs keep me alive" To think that a man would take mental photographs of these ordinary moments is romance at its finest.

And finally...Alright for Now- by Tom Petty. This song is on my list not because the song is strangely hot...but because very few people realize that Tom Petty has a hot song and because of love Tom Petty. It is a grown up's lullaby. Instead of wishes of sugar coated dreams of Prince Charming (the bastard) and Happily Ever After...it is a wish for a pleasant sleep knowing that you are loved and alright for now. Some days...alright for now is the best that can be wished for and that is okay.

So to all you single guys...google the lyrics and use these lines on your next night out on the town.