Saturday, October 20, 2007

Do You Like Scary Movies?

Absolutely. I love scary movies...I just hate that feeling you get after you have just watched a scary movie and every little sound scares the shit out of you. It is because I am in the state of mind that I am going to devote this entire blog to some of the scariest scenes in Millie's terrified mind. But did I get here one might ask. a dumbass I went to go see 30 Days of Night by myself and now I am too scared to sleep.

Let me start by saying that 30 Days of Night was not a great movie. It wasn't bad but it wasn't great. I will be able to sleep tonight at some point...which means that it wasn't that scary. (Not like Hostel...which is the most recent movie to terrify me and therefore kept me up for about three days with the exception of the 15 minute naps I was lucky to catch at PT.) 30 Days was incredibly gory and mostly entertaining although the vampires and their high pitch screeching annoyed the hell out of me. The acting was mediocre and at no point did hottie Josh Hartnett go topless (so I added a pic below) but oh well. It made me jump several times, it made me hide under my coat once, made me want to throw up twice, and even managed to make me laugh at one point. My suggestion...wait until it is OnDemand.

So now that I am reasonably freaked out...allow me to recap other moments that scared the shit out of me...after all...isn't that what the Halloween season is all about?

I start with Michael Jackson's Thriller because it is my earliest memory. Notice I said earliest in the first memory EVER. Perhaps that is what started me on my journey to being a pop culture geek. (Digressing...) I don't remember much but I do remember sitting on a couch with my mom and sister watching this video and my dad getting pissed at my mom for letting me watch the damn thing. I still can't listen to that damn song in dark or alone at night.

I will move onto Pet Sematary. That movie still scares me and is the reason that I literally leap into bed EVERY night. is not that scary of a movie. In fact...most of it is humorous. Church is an evil ass cat who I actually liked. Clean the guy up and Pascow would actually be a great ally to have. There were only two scary elements of that movie. The first was the creepy sister Zelda. She probably had less than 1 minute and still managed to scary the shit out of me. Most people hear the name Rachel and they think Friends. Not me...thanks to this damn movie I hear the name Rachel and I immediately remember creepy Zelda calling for her in that back bedroom. I can honestly say that I have never been friends with a Rachel and this might be why. Moving on...the scariest part of that movie is Gage version 2.0 He was adorable...even after he went evil! I think we all wanted to hug him as he walked off to die for a second time saying "No Fair." But I can't get over the scene where Judd kneels down to check under the bed and Gage's little hand reaches out and slices his Achilles heel with a scalpel. Hence my leaping into bed at night. I don't actually believe that Gage has found his way under my bed...but I also don't want to find out. So BZ to this movie for terrifying me to the point that years later I still think about it on a daily basis.

I will jump forward in time a bit...but be warned that we will back track at the end of the blog. I will move on to The Ring. This movie came out right after I graduated boot camp and I remember going to see it Cape May with good ole Mike S. We were just forming our intensely great though short-lived friendship and I think part of the reason that we bonded was because we were scared for days after this movie. This is the first movie that I can remember actually screaming in. Not gasping...not crying out...but an actual scream that lasted several seconds. When I think of this movie...I will always remember the end scene where that evil bitch is literally climbing out of the damn TV!!!! This is the moment were I started to scream. Maybe it was partly my fault...but Mike started to scream too as we clung to each other while I prayed that the bitch didn't end up climbing out of the movie screen. Damn it...I am scared now just thinking about it. And The Ring takes us to...

That's right...The Grudge. Obviously they are similar movies being that they both managed to scare me for days. This movie also made me scream out in the theater....on more than one occasion. Yet the reason that it is so significantly scary is the fact that it ruined my "safe place". Think about it...what did you do when you scared as a kid? If you were anything like me you hid under your blanket until an irritated parent arrived to find out what the figment of the imagination caused this particular meltdown. Obviously I don't hide under the blanket now nor do I cry for my parents anymore....but the point is that because of this damn movie I couldn't even if I wanted to!!!! When that crazy ghost chick started to showed up under the blanket of that soon to be dead girl I was screaming and shaking and probably lucky that I didn't break poor Eric's hand from squeezing it so tightly. Oh...and the fact that it spawned a series of prank calls with people making "The Grudge" noise. (Bastards...I need new friends.) So...BZ to The Grudge for ruining the safe place of my childhood.

I mention The Hills Have Eyes for two reasons. One because it was the first movie that was "too much" for me in the sense that I thought that parts of it crossed the moral line (whatever that is). I can't really explain it explain I will just say that I could have lived my life without seeing certain parts of that movie. Reason Two...which greatly outweighs reason one is the fact that the movie takes place in the hills of New Mexico. I grew up in New Mexico and often imagined that creepy evil beings lived in those hills only to be laughed at. I remember at a bonfire I freaked out that I saw some creepy man wandering around when I left the group to pee behind a tree. Granted I had consumed an alarmingly large quantity of alcohol that night but I'm still not convinced that I didn't really see someone. some point I will look up whoever wrote that movie and it is someone I went to high school with I am going to sue for my share of the profits.

And now we backtrack in time to discuss the scariest movie of all times in the mind of Millie...IT. God damn it...I hate this damn movie!!!! It still terrifies me and I am getting the chills just thinking about it. I actually had to turn on extra lights in the house after I looked for pictures of Pennywise to use for this post. How fucked up this movie???? (The book is scary too....but something about Tim Curry as Pennywise made it even more haunting.) Thank God that the movie spent its budget on its large cast instead of special effects because the cheesy effects are the only thing that get me through the damn movie. seems that I was cursed to be deathly afraid of two things....Spiders and Clowns. So imagine the fear I felt when the evil murderous clown turned into a spider at the end of the movie. DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT!!!! It seemed as if Stephen King hacked into my brain and picked the two things that I am most terrified of and morphed them together. I even started to hate balloons after seeing this movie because I expect Pennywise to be on the other end. I hate the woods because I imagine him waiting for me (that or the Hills Clan.). I had a hard time watching the first season of Smallville because I've always thought of her as Bev Marsh. So BZ to IT for being the scariest damn movie all of times....I will never be able to put into words how much I hate IT....yet I still attempt to watch it when I come across it on TV...and always regret it.

The good is late and I am tired. The bad news is that I am even more freaked out from re-visiting this terrifying moments. I should have known better but it was fun. Its been awhile since I slept with the lights on...please cross your fingers that I don't lose power thanks to the damn wind.


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