TEAM CONAN

So for the record...I have always been a fan of Conan O'Brien. I have never "got" Jay Leno. I am sure that it is generational thing but that is not the point.

In light of all the talk about Team Leno vs. Team Conan I feel compelled to make it known that I am Team CONAN all the way.

I love me some Conan. He is another one of those rare oddities that is not the most attractive but still manages to be incredibly sexy. He is funny, charming and can laugh at himself. How awesome is that? Love me some Conan.

And now you have douche bag Jay Leno making trouble for everyone. It is all too similar to the whole Favre situation if you ask me. Or like the guy this week who tried to make me feel bad that he drills for points only. Why can't these old guys just let go?

Seriously....wouldn't you rather be remembered in prime and go out with some dignity rather than be remembered as the leech that didn't know when to say when.

Fuck Jay Leno. Fuck Brett Favre. Fuck Points Only Guy.

Go Conan! Go Romo! Go non-IRR Reservists!

Are You Ready For Some Football?

So once again we have another big weekend of football ahead of us. Quite honestly...I only care because there is nothing else sports-wise to focus on. My Yankee withdrawal is getting worse by the day and football is simply a diversion. Now that being said it is time to get my predictions out of the way before the craziness begins. On Sunday we will revisit and see how I did.

Arizona vs. New Orleans:

Who I want to Win: Arizona

Who Will Win: Arizona

In spite of the total self-destruction of the Cardinals last week I still think that they will win this game. Yes I know that the game is in New Orleans and yes I know that the Saints are the better team and yet I am still picking the Cards. Why? One reason...Kurt Warner. I don't know if the man sold his soul or what but the man always manages to find a way to keep his team in the hunt for the Lombardi trophy. They rarely win it but he keeps the dream alive. So yeah...I'm betting on Kurt to outplay Drew which will result in the Cards advancing to the NFC Championship.

Baltimore vs Indianapolis:

Who I want to Win: Indy

Who Will Win: Indy

So help me Mo if the Colts don't win I am going to give up on football. No NFC/AFC Championships, No Superbowl for me, nothing. I don't care what anyone says, the Colts are the best team in the NFL and if they lose to the Ravens I am going to be pissed. Now that being said, if the Ravens win I do hope that they ride this wave all the way to end and that Flacco earns himself a trip to Disney. I won't be watching but I'll be happy for them nonetheless. That being said...IN PEYTON I TRUST.

Dallas vs. Minnesota:

Who I Want to Win: Dallas

Who Will Win: Minnesota

Damn it all but I think that Brett is going to lead his team to victory. If there was a way for the Vikings to win and Brett to lose I would be all for it. Sadly it is a package deal and so I will root for the Cowboys. I will just feel slightly dirty for it as I do. Maybe I will watch Twilight again during this game.

New York vs. San Diego:

Who I Want to Win: New York

Who Will Win: San Diego

This one could get ugly for me. I totally want the Jets to win and I am pretty scared of the Chargers winning. I want the Jets to win because when in doubt, root for the New York team. The Jets might not be my preferred New York team but I will cheer for them nonetheless. I also want them to win because no Colts fan can ever go into a game against the Chargers totally confident. The Chargers are a damn good team and it will take every ounce of talent that the Jets can muster to defeat. "LETS HEAR IT FOR NEW YORK!"

As fun as this has been...Mo help me I miss baseball.

Got To Go

So I am amazed at the fact that no matter times I see the USPS commercial with the clown I am still freaked out by it.




What the fuck is wrong with that clown? I would whoop whoever sent that to me.

This has prompted me to ask the question of which is creepier?

The USPS Clown or the The King?



VOTE NOW and help me decide!

Nine...Ten...

So help me Mo... I am so excited for the remake of Nightmare Before Elm Street.



I can't quite explain it but there is something about Freddy that I absolutely love. OK so the odds of it being a life-changing movie are slim but what I can promise is that it is going to be great. All Freddy movies are.

So tonight I present you with my Top 5 favorite Freddy lines.

#5 - Tell 'em Freddy sent you! (Nightmare on Elm Street 4)

#4 - I said "Where's the fucking Bourbon!" (Nightmare on Elm Street 3)

#3 - Welcome to my world bitch! (Freddy vs. Jason)

#2 - Welcome to prime time bitch! (Nightmare on Elm Street 3)

#1 - Help Yourself Fucker! (Nightmare on Elm Street 2)

And yet just another reason to look forward to April!

Big Lights Will Inspire You

So for those of you who are new to the blog...(Mo Bless You)...my favorite part of the blog is the Monday Night Shuffle. The Monday Night Shuffle is when I sit down in front of the computer, put the iPod on Shuffle, and write about whatever song comes on. Most of the commentary is the view from my driver seat but you can't really complain about that since it is my blog. My hope is that you are reminded of a song that you had previously forgotten and maybe...maybe just maybe...I manage to get you to laugh at my take on them. Enjoy my friends!

Blame it on the Rain by Milli Vanilli – OK so I am assuming that you probably have tears in your eyes from laughing at me for having this on my iPod…dry your eyes and keep on reading. Aside from being one of the most laughable songs on my iPod this song happens to be one of the worst for getting stuck in one’s head. I think that is why I still like after all of these years. Say what you will about it about I am pretty sure that you have sung this song at least once in your life. Blame It on the Rain has to be the all time greatest bull-shit excuse ever written…opening the door for songs such as “It Wasn’t Me”. It is such a ridiculous excuse that one might be tempted to let the injustice pass simply because it is so ludicrous. And when you think about it…there is some truth to it. I mean…you have to blame it on something so why not the rain? I am pretty sure that they got it right when they said that the rain doesn’t care. So where is the harm? Nonetheless…I will forever think of this song whenever it is raining and my hope is that after reading this that you will too. Best Line: “Whatever you do…don’t put the blame on you.”

80 by Green Day - So the truth is that you really have to be a fan in order to know and appreciate this song. While it has received virtually no play time the undeniable fact is that this song is fucking awesome! The idea behind it is nothing new but the lyrics are so clever that it stands above the rest. It is early Green Day which means that the song is a bit raw but that's okay. Early Green Day tends to be better Green Day (American Idiot album excluded). This is a fun punk song that sings out for help. It begs to be rescued from the love that is driving you crazy. You know this part of the relationship, you know that you need to escape or lose your mind but you also know that you are too in love to actually do it so you beg anyone and everyone to help you be free. This song is truly a forgotten gem. Best Line: "Is there any cure for this disease that some call love.

Empire State of Mind by Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys – Let’s hear it for New York indeed. There has not been a better shout out song to the greatest city on the planet since Ole Blue Eyes sang about waking up in the city that never sleeps. I think that it has a special part in my heart because of the live performance of it prior to Game 2. It was such a great performance that I can’t even be mad about the fact that the performance was supposed to be done at Game 1 while I was there but got moved to Game 2 which I missed. Oh well. The reason that this song is so solid has to be the fact that it is not some dumb “cool city” song that is just made up of catchy lines. This song is real and therefore manages to captures the greatness that is New York. Dreams truly are made there and if you doubt that, take someone who has never been to the city into Times Square, or Rockefeller Center, or Yankee Stadium and look into their eyes as they try to absorb the sights. I was lucky enough to share all three places with NYC Virgins and it was a lifetime memory experience. Only a place as grand as NYC can inspire a grown man to run away with a skip in their step, light in their eyes, and a smile on their face. Kudos to Jay-Z for capturing this in five minute song. Best Line: “The concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there’s nothing you can’t do.”

Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden – I tend to be unkind to this song and mostly because it was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo overplayed in its heyday. However when I force myself to get over that not so minor fact I am reminded of the fact that it is actually a damn good song. Sure it is a pretty sappy love song but as far as sappy love songs go this one is better than most. The feeling that I get from this song is that the love is enough and that is no small thing. He promises to love her and her alone, as well as love more with every breath until the end of time. Now I am no longer stupid enough to believe that such a promise could ever be honored but that doesn’t mean that I don’t wish that it could be. Musically there is nothing special about this song but lyrically it is impressive. While it is a bit mushy and flowery at times, it is not overly so to the point that it makes me want to vomit. I guess it boils down to the fact that though I know that no one person could be my everything I still want someone to try…and this song is the promise of that. Pretty fucked up when you think about it. Good thing that I usually push past this song when it comes up on the shuffle because it is enough to push me closer to brink of insanity. The song gets bonus points for having the best line of the song being the opening line…you know what a sucker I am for opening lines. Best Line: “ I’ll be your dream, I’ll be your wish, I’ll be your fantasy.”

(You Want To) Make A Memory by Bon Jovi – Funny how time changes things. The thoughts that came up with this song a year ago are definitely not the thoughts that I have this year. For me this song will now be known as my World Series song. This song came on my iPod as I was driving back to the base after having been blessed to see the Yankees win the 2009 World Series. Nothing was said for the duration of the song. For my part I was thinking of the impact that the night had on me. The New York Yankees stole a piece of time for all of Yankee Universe that night. They made history that night and I was there to see it. I remember parts of the night as clearly as if they happened yesterday, while other parts are unclear but clouded with bliss. I might never see or speak to some of the people that I spent that night with again but for that night we were the closest of friends. Even if the stars align and the same thing happens again next year it will not be the same. There was nowhere else for me to be that night and I will never be back there again in that very same place but that’s OK. I stole a piece of time that night and it is locked away in my mind and heart forever. Best Line: “Baby just breathe, there is nowhere else that we should be.”

Much Love, Millie

Letter To Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

I am forced to write this letter to ask you one simple question and that question is “Why do take such pleasure in torturing me?” This is a question that has been plaguing me for some time now and I can no longer leave it alone. Below are a few of the examples that I have complied of your unwarranted and unjust behavior towards me to prove my point.

The first would be the snow. Must you make it snow every damn time I have duty? I mean, sure every now and then is fine and even expected but EVERY DAMN TIME that I am on duty? Is there something extremely comical about the way in which I try to shovel snow? Sure the snow shovel is almost as large as me making it quite difficult to wield but I fail to see the humor in such a thing. Perhaps it is the fact that you tend to create some magnificent snow drifts that I fail to navigate properly and therefore usually can be counted on to end up waist deep in. I fail to see the humor in this as well, being that by the time this occurs I am usually on the urge of freezing this tends to push me over the edge. Or maybe it is the fact that I simply hate snow and you enjoy the constant stream of swearing that can be heard during my encounter with it.

The second would be the wind. If you must make it snow, must you always accompany it with hurricane-isk winds? Is that really necessary? I think not. Perhaps I would hate the snow less if it wasn’t joined by the wind that blows it into my eyes even when I wearing glasses solely to keep it out. Perhaps I would curse you less if the wind didn’t blow snow back to the same damn spot that I just finished shoveling. But no…you break out the big wind guns EVERY DAMN TIME that I on duty, making an already miserable day twice as bad as it needs be. Wind that exploits my daily inability to walk a straight line…causing me to crash into parked cars, snow-covered bushes that I couldn’t see to avoid, and to fall on the sheets of ice(we’ll talk about the ice later) that the stupid wind help creates. Is there nothing more amusing to you than seeing me struggle to put one foot in front of the other as I try to navigate the snow covered, ice rink that is normally known as a parking lot? Can you find no better source of entertainment that to watch me use every ounce of strength that I have to try to observe Colors?

But the killer is the fact that when you add the above two items together you get the sucker punch of it all…the ice. Really???? Is it that amusing to make it so cold, snowy, and windy that ice forms everywhere that I am suppose to go? I mean, the reality of the situation is that I am a walking disaster on a good days but when you add ice to the picture all chances of an injury free day pretty much go out the window. Are you so bored that you need to coat the ground with ice, hit me with a gust of wind so strong that it knocks me to ground just to get a laugh? Sure it must have been funny the first time that it happened, resulting in me crawling across the ice over to a nearby crane which I had to use to pull my ass up on but must you do this EVERY DAMN TIME that I am on duty? Even the funniest of jokes gets old with repetition so I am struggling to see why this continues.

The bottom line is that I am sick of being your source of entertainment. Never did I sign up to be your Fool, Jester, or Personal Stooge. While I am not foolish enough to believe that this letter will change anything I would like to point out that I am not completely defenseless against you. Every time you behave this way towards me it makes me less inclined to do anything to better your situation which need I remind you is not that great to begin with. Keep this shit up and maybe I will start buying aerosol hairspray cans instead of the spritz kind. Perhaps I will choose not to recycle my next can of coke but through it into the ocean instead. Perhaps I will trade my hybrid car in for a gas guzzling SUV and drive it all over the place just to pass the time. The list of possibilities is endless…

My next duty is the 11th. The ball is in your court.

Regards, Millie

Down For The Count

Clearly my prayers for the new year have not been answered. I just had the unpleasant misfortune of seeing the new Free Credit Report.com Commercial...which sucks even more than the previous ones.



More surprising to me than the fact that these commercials are still being made is the fact that no one has taken it upon themselves to stop the source...Eric Violette.

Someone needs to stop the madness...someone needs to punch him in the face.

In fact, he has now become the #3 on my list of people that I want to punch in the face. If luck is ever on my side...I will get to punch them all before I die.

So now that you know the #3 person...so let's go ahead list all five people that I would like to punch based on the fact that he/she has achieved a remarkably unprecedented level of being a douche.

#5: The Fake Umps from Toronto - Now I know that not everyone agrees with me on this one but that's okay. A lot of people find this guys funny which is fine. I personally think that they make up the biggest duet of douches in sports. I mean...really? It might have been funny the first time that you saw it but after awhile it is just damn stupid. I mean, the reality is that here are two grown ass men who are still playing the "copy cat game" and spending big bucks to do it. Give me those seats and go play your stupid game somewhere else. I think that I stand the best chance of getting the chance of punching one if not both of these douche bags based on our frequent visits to Yankee Stadium.

#4: Carl Pavano - I've said it before and will say it again...this douche is a liar, a thief and a terrible pitcher! I think that this douche deserves a punch in the face from every Yankee fan who feels like he ripped off the Yankees. I doubt I could do much damage to him...since he is significantly bigger than me but that is not the point. I want my chance to try.

#3: Eric Violette - So on one hand I kind of feel bad for the guy. I mean, he was a struggling actor who was just trying to make a buck and so signed up to do an American commercial. Little did he know that it would become the most annoying commercial OF ALL TIMES!!! I think what really drives me crazy about this guy is the fact that his narcissistic ass thinks so highly of himself that he actually has disclaimers on his website about all of the people who are pretending to him. Right...because everyone longs to be a goofy french douche. More like everyone wants to punch you right in the nose you stupid douche. I would like to think that of all of the douches on my list that this would be the one that I would have the best chance of hurting. He is just barely a man and therefore should be easy for me to hit.

#2: Kevin Youkilis - The nice thing about this particular douche is that depending on where I punched him...I am pretty certain that I would be defended by those around me. For example, if I somehow was lucky enough to do in the streets of the Bronx, I am confident that he would be not be able to punch me back because my fellow Yankee fans would protect me. I have given this thought because Kevin Youkilis is such a douche that he would more than likely try to punch me back.

#1: Donovan McNabb - So help me Mo...this guy is king of all douches. Everything about him pisses me off and everything he says and does makes me want to punch him in the face. Again, I know that the odds of said punch having any kind of effect on him are slim to none but this does not deter me in the slightest. I would still do it and be proud of it. I would then proceed to brag to everyone that little ole Millie punched the World's Biggest Douche in the face. Fucking McNabb, I hate him so much.