TEAM CONAN

So for the record...I have always been a fan of Conan O'Brien. I have never "got" Jay Leno. I am sure that it is generational thing but that is not the point.

In light of all the talk about Team Leno vs. Team Conan I feel compelled to make it known that I am Team CONAN all the way.

I love me some Conan. He is another one of those rare oddities that is not the most attractive but still manages to be incredibly sexy. He is funny, charming and can laugh at himself. How awesome is that? Love me some Conan.

And now you have douche bag Jay Leno making trouble for everyone. It is all too similar to the whole Favre situation if you ask me. Or like the guy this week who tried to make me feel bad that he drills for points only. Why can't these old guys just let go?

Seriously....wouldn't you rather be remembered in prime and go out with some dignity rather than be remembered as the leech that didn't know when to say when.

Fuck Jay Leno. Fuck Brett Favre. Fuck Points Only Guy.

Go Conan! Go Romo! Go non-IRR Reservists!

If It Were You In That Sandwich You Wouldn't Be Laughing At All

I used to think that there was no way that any commercial could possibly be more annoying than those damn FreeCreditReport.com ones...and now I know that I am wrong.



Words cannot express how much I hate this damn commercial. It is annoying and creepy. Perhaps that is what the idiots behind it where going for....but I doubt it. It is more than likely another sign of our recession...it has gotten so bad that this the best that McD's could come up with. Regardless...the people behind this commercial should be fired.

Should Have Been One Missed Movie

OK so I am little late in reviewing this movie...but if I can prevent one person from watching it...then I have done my job. This movie totally suuuuucked!!! It was not worth the money spent to rent it nor the time I wasted watching it.

So you have Shannyn Sossaman in the female lead role...and she cannot carry a movie on her own. So throw in Edward Burns and a few no-names and guess what...the film still comes up short. The only thing enjoyable about the movie is Burns and I spent most of the movie cursing him for signing on for this role.

The plot of the movie had potential. Think of how much it would suck to get a voicemail from the future and you could hear your own death. The movie is based off a Japanese film so I had high hopes. Maybe that is why I am pissed that it let me down.

The problem was that the voicemails weren't scary. The death scenes weren't scary. Not even the "scary" distorted figures that randomly popped up were scary. I never jumped once through the 87 minute long movie. (Which seemed much longer than that while I was watching it.)

When the person behind the "curse" is revealed...it wasn't shocking....it was kind of like "huh?" Much like the rest of the movie...it didn't make sense.

To make it worse....the movie didn't end when it should. They had to waste another ten minutes of the viewer's time to try to fit in one last scare...and it failed miserably. In fact, they just pissed me off more because not only did they waste my time...but they killed off the only decent character in the movie...and they did it in the lamest way possible.

I mainly watched it because there isn't much else to do when one can't sleep and of course my theory that you can't feel down if you are scared. This movie did not scare me in the slightest...and that pissed me off.

Ain't Karma A Bitch?

I suppose that on some level I deserve this as a result of the mischievous acts from my youth...in spite of the fact that nice Sheriff pointed out that toilet papering a house is not the same thing as breaking in. Nevertheless...clearly this is more than bored juveniles...it is karma.

I haven't even started cleaning up the mess because I decided that I would rather spend the evening drinking parrot bay and dying my hair. (Quite possibly a bad combination...will see in the morning.) So the hybrid is out in the driveway with the Outback and Accord for company this evening. Being that I have shit for luck it would not surprise me in the least if it is not there when I wake up in the morning.

Here is the part that has me the most pissed off...Damn hippies!

Bloody hell.

Leave The Simpsons Alone!

So here is the deal. In my quest (however foolish) to pursue higher education, I decided that one of my classes would be the Study of Popular Culture. Should be a no brainer right? After all, it is one of the few joys that I have these days. Well let me say that this plan backfired! I am not enjoying the class and to be honest...it is actually starting to piss me off. If it wasn't for the fact that it is getting me closer to a very important goal of mine, I would probably walk away from it. But that is not the point of this post.

So as I was working on homework this evening (the main reason that my posting have become less frequent), I found myself getting super pissed off. The main book for the class is pretty much bullshit. The author devoted some time to slamming The Simpsons and much to my surprise, most of the class agreed with him. More surprisingly, most of them admitted that they watch the damn show!!! Now I will admit that I have been less impressed with the show over the years but it seemed like an uneducated and unwarranted attack on one of my beloved treasures. I was the lone rebel who actually defended the show on the discussion board (Thanks to Chris Turner's 2004 book Planet Simpson I was able to provide creditable references instead of just Millie's opinion) but I am still kind of ticked off so I'm going to finish my rant here.

One of the things that really pissed me off was that the author of the book said that there are no good parental figures in the show. I think that this is bullshit. So here is my response to that ludicrous statement.

- Let's start with Homer. In spite of all of his short-comings and boneheaded moments, I don't see how anyone cannot love this guy. The author said that he is terrible father but disagree. Homer's problem is that he is handicapped by an unnatural immaturity but his heart is in the right place. In episode 303, Homer gives up his last ribwich in order to see Lisa's big moment. In episode 219 "Make Room for Lisa", Lisa sees things from Homer's perspective after going into a sensory deprivation tank. She realizes that Homer does a lot of things like going to the museum and the ballet even though he hates them because he wants to spend time with her. Being a parent is often about sacrificing for your children. Homer often does it late but always comes around just in time.

- Let's move onto Marge. Is there a more devoted mother on televising? She is the moral compass of the family which is no easy feat. She defends her kids as demonstrated in episode 40 when she pleads with Mrs. Van Houten to let Milhouse be friends with Bart again. She also came to Lisa's aid in episode 377 where Lisa is on trial for speaking about evolution. Not only does she risk her own freedom to read "The Theory of Evolution" but she sets up her own husband to get Lisa off the hook. But the best example of Marge the wonderful mom is in episode 131 when Homer and Marge lose their children to The Flanders. The episode starts with Marge making a fuss over all of the kids (including admitting that she crawled around the dump to get materials for Lisa's school project) and a simple misunderstanding leads to the kids ending up in foster care. Marge is miserable without her children and fights to get them back. In the end, Maggie is unsure if she wants to join Homer, Bart and Lisa (Marge is not in the picture yet.) or stay with the Flanders Flock. Just as you think that she has chosen the Flanders, Maggie spots Marge and the decision is made. She makes her way towards her mother which in itself is a testament to her love for her mother since she can't really walk. Clearly Marge is a great mother if even the baby can recognize it.

If either of my parents has spend half as much time with me as the Simpson parents spend on their kids, my life would be very different.

Let's end this on a positive note. So after a long afternoon on a color guard event, I went to the Navy Exchange to buy one thing. I left with about twenty things and none of them were the one that I went for since it was conveniently sold out. (Damn Navy exchange!) As I stood in line amidst a ton of staring people (I was still in my color guard uniform so you can imagine what kind of attention a Coastie dressed as such would get at a Navy Exchange), I was growing more and more irritated. Then it happened. I saw something that immediately brightened my mood. (Those of you in my regular texting circle already know what I am referring to since I sent it to you via picture message.)

Every ounce of anger and frustration that I had been feeling melted away as I stared at that magazine cover. He really is more attractive than any man should be.

http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=fitness&category=sports&conitem=c295eb53bd0a8110VgnVCM20000012281eac____

The End of An Era

DISCLAIMER - Millie the Geek is Millie the Pissed Off Writer this evening. This post contains strong language. You have been warned and are being issued an apology upfront for the language...not the post....which I standby 100%.

So I started this post about a month ago, everything was ready to go, I just needed to hit publish. Yet yesterday as I sat in the airport in Norfolk, VA watching ESPN as I drank myself to that happy level required for me to fly, I decided that more than my love and loyalty to the New York Yankees had died. So I have made some changes...

Today we mourn the end of Millie the Baseball Fan, who officially passed away at 1605 EST on 13 December 2007. To those close to Millie the Baseball Fan, the loss was somewhat of a surprise, since most expected that she would not pass on completely. Yet that is what makes life the journey that it is...the unexpected changes that can happen over a short period of time. Many people believe that the cause of this was the re-signing of the overpaid, arrogant bastard of a baseball player...and those people are half correct. The news of his 275 million dollar contract was a devastating blow. Yet Millie the Yankee fan officially died the moment she read the news about the 275 million dollar asshole on the ESPN sports ticker...underneath coverage of Bud Selig's press conference on the Mitchell Report findings. There in that airport bar over a bagel sandwich and a double rum and coke...the heart of Millie the Baseball Fan took its last beat...ending a 15 year long run as a baseball...more significantly...a Yankee fan.

Okay...so slightly dramatic but I think you get the idea. I have been expecting the news about the overpaid asshole with no rings...so that sting wasn't too bad since I already knew that it would be the final nail in my Yankee coffin. But I'll be honest...the Mitchell Report stung as well...and has prompted me to say fuck baseball altogether.

You see...I loved baseball. In fact, some of my favorite memories of spending time with my father are going to watch baseball games. I remember my dad putting a rather unnecessary batting helmet on my head, giving me a glove that never caught a pop fly, and taking me to the stadium to spend an afternoon drinking Kool-Aid and eating peanuts. I fondly remember my dad teaching me how to keep score, which I never did but enjoying knowing that if I wanted to I could. In many ways, baseball was the great neutralizer between us. I didn't play baseball and he didn't coach it. There was no comparisons, no pressure and guilt to do better, no telling me that pain was part of being an athlete and to suck it up...just us in the sun watching the game.

The truth is that I was always partial to the NY Yankees because I loved Babe Ruth candy bars and The Babe played for The Yankees. With my love of the Yankees came a true dislike for the Boston Red Socks, though I didn't quite know why until I was older. It was nice....every March buying magazines to help predict the season, digging out the Lil' Jug to carry the Kool-Aid to the stadium...it was nice.

Things changed in 1996 when a rookie shortstop from Kalamazoo realized his dream of wearing pinstripes...and that rookie was Derek Jeter. Suddenly my passion for the Yankees kicked into overdrive and I went from loyal fan...to crazed fan where I have remained ever since. Being a Yankee Fan went from good to great when Derek hit the scene. I mean he is incredibly talented, incredibly good-looking, and he was a good guy. He wasn't beating his wife like David Justice, he wasn't doing drugs like Daryl Strawberry, he wasn't doing any of the things that were starting to taint the other all-stars in the game. He was just a young man who loved his sport, loved his team, and we loved him for it.

I won't go into the recaps...as we all know that the Yankees had a great run of post-season magic. I won't go into all the details of magic that Derek produced for his team. (Visit Wikipedia if you don't know the details.) Those were the good old days. But as one of my favorite songs from this year points out..."All Good Things Come to End."

Yes...I know it sounds ridiculous...but Derek Jeter is the ONLY reason that I have remained a Yankee fan over the past few years. That charismatic smile was enough to overlook the downfall of a baseball empire...keyword being was. After the Yankees choked in the 2001 World Series...it all seemed to go downhill. As season records deteriorated and scandals broke out...I would overlook all of it because of Derek. You see...in spite of the obvious physical appeal...Derek was more than just an incredibly good looking and talented short-stop. Derek was a symbol of what is good and pure about baseball...which in turn makes him a symbol for what is good and pure about the society that created baseball. His overall goodness made me believe that as long as good guys like Derek Jeter were around...there was still hope for the rest of them. (This extended beyond the baseball field.) That is a lot of pressure of one man...even one was great as Derek Jeter.

As I watched the results of the Mitchell Report...I felt like throwing away everything that I owned that has any connection to MLB. Not because I was surprised. I am not so stupid that I didn't think that there was a steroid problem in baseball. One look at Barry Bonds and Mark Maguire and you know the answer. I was more surprised by the number of people named and the extent of their use. It feels like a lie and it pisses me off.

The MLB Hall of Fame has been tainted by steroids. If the organization had any balls they would kick out everyone who had cheated their way into it. (No pun intended.) There would not be any of this * bullshit. There is no need for an * because everyone knows how the records were broken. Olympic athletes who use steroids are forced to give up their medals...why shouldn't an MLB player guilty of the same offense have to give up their spot in the Hall of Fame as well as any rings that they acquired while using the illegal substance?

Does the Yankee organization honestly believe that we are buying their stance of not knowing that so many of their players used (use?) steroids or other performance enhancing drugs? Bullshit. They might have overlooked it...but they knew or at least would have if they truly cared enough to find out. The desire to win was worth more than their integrity. Just like the desire to win was worth more than their word when it came to paying the post-season choke artist to come back after he tried to leave them and then came crawling back when no one else wanted him. (But at least the bastard hasn't been linked to using the "juice".) I am not pissed at Jason Giambi, because he was had the intrgrity to talk about, therefore is redeemed in my eyes. Clemens wasn't exactly a surprise...but Pettitte and Knoblach were tough because as a Yankee fan I had always thought very highly of these two athletes. 9 players off of the 2000 World Series Yankee team are named as users...yet the Yankee organization knew nothing? Again I call Bullshit.

So yeah...I am pissed. Baseball fans deserve better from the people that they pay an obscene amount of money to watch play. Though on the other hand...perhaps we baseball fans share some of the guilt for paying that much in the first place.

So I say farewell to MLB...and everything having to do with it. In the past I said that I would convert to a Red Sox fan if the Yankees signed that overpaid, cheating, can't play when it counts, piece of shit player but I think that it would be vindictive and I don't want to go that way. Though I do think that it is important to note that the Red Sox did not have any major players listed in the Mitchell Report which is significant in my eyes. I am swallowing my pride and admit that the current Red Sox team is what baseball is all about...winning with talent, not with shots in the ass. I cannot join Red Sox Nation in anger...so I go nowhere. In the event that I stop being so pissed off at the MLB organization and decide to watch the sport again...the Red Sox will be my team.

So in closing....Let it be known...

- I still really, really HATE the selfish, postseason joke, no loyalty, cheater that isn't worth 275 thousand dollars...let alone 275 million. The bastard has never belonged in pinstripes and never will....which is why the Yankees will never win with him wearing them. Fuck him and the Yankees. I hope they enjoy all the golf they will be playing while other teams are winning pennants.

- I still believe in and support Derek Jeter...just not his team. Perhaps I will become an Avon lady and start selling his cologne....which is the most awesome men's cologne EVER. Most of my guy friends are getting a bottle for Christmas again this year. I will put my other Yankee stuff on Ebay...but I will keep my #2 jersey and t-shirt.

- I'm done with sports...Pop Culture is where I belong...Turn in on Sunday for the Bon Jovi Recap.

Bu-F***ing-Urns!

I suppose it was inevitable.

While I am at it....

Good riddance to A-rod! Maybe you can fill the arrogant asshole vacancy in San Francisco you money hungry bitch. The Yankee in me hopes that you will sign with Boston since no team is ever going to win a world series with you on the roster since you can't play for shit when it counts.