Birthday Suits Abound

Holy Smokes...my Facebook obsession has come back something fierce. I think that it is largely due to my lack of sleep but that's okay. If I wouldn't have gotten a crabby phone call asking about the blog this evening...I might not have been able to tear myself away from the world of Facebook, where I spent the evening throwing virtual fish and Vice President Candidates at people. So upon surfing my favorite sites looking for inspiration...here is my take on EWs 30 Unforgettable Nude Scenes.

30: Jason Segel in Forgetting Sarah Marshall: So I just saw this movie last night and I loved it. I think that it is an incredibly smart move to have Jason nude in the beginning of the movie. It made the whole scene all the more awkward and for that reason, people can relate to him. He won serious "lost puppy dog" points in my book. Hell, Jason is becoming one of my favorite comedic actors. Maybe I can convince Neil to get an autograph.

29: Uma Thurman in The Adventures of Baron Munchausen: Never seen it so I can't say it.

28: Julianne Moore in Short Cuts: I have seen the movie and can honestly say that I had forgotten the whole nude scene. So for me...it just doesn't make the cut.

27: Donald Sutherland in Animal House: So, so, so gross.

26: John Cleese in A Fish Called Wanda: Funny and yet oddly disturbing at the same time.

25: Bart Simpson in The Simpsons Movie: Funny but unfortunate because it sparked an overuse of the phrases "I like men" and "Bountiful penis". Oh well...it is certainly the most unexpected one so far on the list.

24: Craig Daniel in Casino Royale: Quite honestly the only reason for a girl to see this movie is to see this scene. Never mind the whole torture part of it...the man takes good care of his body and boy did he show it in this movie.

23: Brigiette Bardot in Le Mepris: I have never even heard of this movie or the actress.

22: Kate Winslet in Titanic/Iris/Little Children: So quite honestly...if I looked this smoking while in the buff...I would probably want to show it off it too. The nice thing is that the each movie takes the nudity to a different level. It Titanic it was all about innocence lost in young love, in Iris is was all about deep and sensual love, and in Little Children it desperate passion which shows that she is smoking hot and a great actress.

21: Peter Sellers in A Shot in The Dark: Never seen it and guessing that for that I should be grateful.

20: Viggo Mortensen in Easter Promises: Now I must say that the movie was amazing without the nudity. The nudity just took it to another level of greatness. Viggo is a damn sexy man.

19: Sacha Baron Cohen in Borat: So gross and yet so funny.

18: Kirk Douglas in Saturn 3: WTF is Saturn 3?

17: Mark Wahlberg in Boogie Nights: Still can't get past the fact that I first saw this with Big Red so I think that the nudity was lost on me. Besides...there wasn't much left to see after the CK ads...not that I am complaining about either.

16: Elizabeth Hurley and Mike Myers in Austin Powers: More funny than sexy...and the joke went on for a little bit longer than needed.

15: Russell Crowe in Hammers Over the Anvil: Once again I must WTF is this movie?

14: Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminal: There is no denying that the Govenator had an amazing body back in the day. Plus he rocked the accent so mucho bonus points.

13: Daryl Hannah in Splash: I haven't seen this movie since I was a kid so I have no real memory or opinion of the lack of clothing. I suppose that they had to make her naked at some point though based on the fact that she was a mermaid for goodness sake.

12: Graham Chapman in The Life of Brian: More important than why he needed to be naked in this movie is the question of why I have seen it more than once?

11: Cast of Calendar Girls: Have to admit that I have never seen it. I have heard that it is tasteful and funny and blah blah blah but the fact is that I want to hide from the future in that regards as long as possible.

10: Cast of The Fully Monty: At the risk of sounding sexist...I found this to be cinematic genius. It was so funny that the yuck factor was practically nonexistence.

9: Will Ferrell in Old School: So so so funny. It definitely brings back some memories from my younger, wilder days. This really was the last truly funny movie that Will has made.

8: Tyler Nilsen in Walk Hard: The randomness of the scene made it funny but nothing spectacular.

7: JULIAN SANDS, RUPERT GRAVES, and SIMON CALLOW in A Room With a View: Never seen it but doubt that I will. Why where a bunch of grown men frolicking in the water together?

6: Charlton Heston in Planet of The Apes: Somewhat disappointing. He lost some of his sexy appeal when he lost his clothes. I am not sure why but he did.

5: Diane Keaton in Something's Gotta Give: The nudity in this move is totally awesome. It is funny and tasteful...and didn't seemed forced into the script like some nudes scenes are. Totally awesome.

4: Kathy Bates in About Schmidt: Good for Kathy for feeling comfortable and confident enough to do...bad for those of us who were not warned about it prior to seeing the movie.

3: Sylvester Stallone in Demolition Man: Not sexy and unnecessary.

2: Beverly D'Angelo in National Lampoon's Vacation: I can't say that I really remember it. I prefer Christmas Vacation to Vacation so that is probably why.

1: David Kelly in Waking Ned Devine: Once again...I have never heard of the movie.

So basically what it boils down is that the wrong people are doing nude scenes. Sure there were a few treats but here is my list of men that I think should rock their birthday suits on the big screen.

Jon Bon Jovi...he is practically naked in this picture anyway so he might as well give it up.

Eric Bana...did you see his body in Troy? I bet the man looks smoking with all of his clothes on the floor.

James Marsden: Something tells me that he works out...and if one puts in the effort...why not show it off?

Tom Welling...now we know that he works out and after suffering through seven seasons (and counting) of Smallville I would say that I have earned the right to take a peak at the man of steel.

Finally...I am trying to figure it out...but I am trying to devise a plan involving naked Yankees. I am not sure that it could be a movie but maybe for charity or something. No matter how it takes place...everybody wins.

Of Each Particular Thing Ask: What Is It In Itself? What Is Its Nature? What Does He Do, This Man You Seek?

While surfing my usual pop culture sites, I came across Entertainment Weekly's list of the Top 25 movies of the past 25 years. Being that my brain is fried from a day spent on an algebra exam...I am going to hijack their list and toss in my two cents.

#25 Shrek (2001): I have to say that I was a little blown away when I first saw this movie. It was a completely different approach to "fairytale" movies and it was funny. Everything about the first movie worked. Honestly, I don't see any room for improvement. Sadly...it seemed to spawn a whole bunch of crap cartoons so I guess if Shrek has a flaw...that would be it.

#24 A Room With a View (1986): Never seen it. But it is hailed as "Deeply romantic, it is the apotheosis of its genre: the exquisitely made chick flick." and that seems right up my alley.

#23 Memento (2001): Not a bad movie but I think that it is slightly overrated. Other than being told in reverse, I don't see anything particularly revolutionary about the flick. It did make me realize that Carrie Anne Moss is a horrible actress...made worse by the fact that Guy Pierce is such a great one.

#22 Rushmore (1998): It is hard to say what about the movie takes it from average dark comedy to cult classic but this movie will forever be in that category. While it is not one of my favorite films, it always makes me laugh.

#21 Schindler's List (1993): I will never understand why my normally cautious father felt the need to take me to see this movie at the age of 11. I left the theater crying, shaking, and unable to sleep for a few days. Don't get me wrong, it is amazing movie and I am certain that my reaction is the what the producers were going for...I just don't think that it should have been from an 11 year old who up until that point had no real idea the levels of cruelty that mankind was capable of.

#20 The Lion King (1994): No here is a great movie. I loved it before I even saw the damn thing and for one reason...Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Silly as it is considering that it was only his voice, but there it is. This was the first movie that made me start to question the greatness that was Disney. This was the movie that made me realize that no star of a Disney movie makes it to the ending credits with both parents in tow. OK so technically Disney didn't write the stories so it is not technically their fault but come on...they change so many details of classic fairy tales, couldn't they let Mufasa live?

#19 Casino Royale (2006): Raising the bullshit flag on this one. I cannot think of one good thing about this movie. It was a waste of two hours and more importantly...a waste of $15.00.

#18 Do The Right Thing (1989): I guess by the time I finally saw this movie...it had fallen to its own hype. I didn't see what the big deal was and can think of half a dozen similar flicks of the same genre that I would prefer to watch.

#17 Jerry Maguire (1996): Call me crazy but this is still one of my favorite movies EVER. It is another example of what kind happen when everything works. Tom Cruise was charismatic and sexy and vulnerable to the point that I was in love with Jerry halfway through the movie. Renee Zellweger made Dorothy endearing and yet strong. But the best part of the movie had to be Cuba Gooding, JR. It was by far his greatest role. Throw in football and cameos by a few pros and you have an amazing film. Don't hate it for sparking so many overused catchphrases...love it for being a love story that is also about believing in a long shot and seeing dreams come true.

#16 Boogie Nights (1997): Mature though we thought that we were...my friends and I were not mature enough to sit at Adam's house one Friday night and watch this film together. There must have been 15 teenagers in the room watching this movie...and of course Big Red...otherwise known as Adam's dad. By the end you had a bunch of girls who were confused, titillated, and terrified of what they had just seen, a bunch of teenage boys who left Adam's house feeling less than adequate thanks to the history making prosthetic penis, and a father who couldn't believe that he agree to let us watch it and prayed we wouldn't tell our parents where we had scene it.

#15 Edward Scissorhands (1990): I have to admit that the first time that I saw this movie, I didn't see its brilliance. Now that I have seen it like a 100 times, it really gets better every time I watch it. While everything that Johnny Depp does is wonderful...the same can be said about Tim Burton. Put them together and you get cinematic greatness. Don't believe me...Google their joint works as they speak for themselves. Not a bad movie on the list. That being said...I still cry every time I see this movie...as Edwards wins and breaks my heart with his big naive eyes. How could you not want to give him a big hug?

#14 Crumb (1995): Never seen it. In spite of its position on this list...can't say that I ever will.

#13 Goodfellas (1990): Talk about an amazingly violent movie. I have only seen it twice because it is a bit too much for me. It is two hours of Millie laughing at uncomfortable moments because I don't know what else to do. Ray Liotta is phenomenal in the movie....probably his finest work.

#12 The Matrix (1999): How hot was Keanu Reeves in this movie? Holy shit it is worth watching it just for him alone. Moving on...The Matrix was wonderful however it was ruined by the shitty sequels that followed. The thing that got me about this movie was that in spite of the fact that Neo was incredibly sexy, I couldn't not separate him from his role in Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure and thus kept expecting him to say "Whoa Duuuude!"

#11 This Is Spinal Tap (1984): Here is another movie that I just don't get.

#10 Moulin Rouge (2001): I seriously love this movie. Once again...another fine example of the greatness that happens whenever everything works. (For more info, read my previous post )It made me laugh, made me cry, and still does every time I see it. I really, really, really, love this movie. Really.

#9 Die Hard (1988): Bruce Willis was such a bad ass back in the day. This movie is great if solely for the reason that it produced one of the greatest line in bad ass history...and shame on you if you don't know what it was.

#8 Silence of the Lambs (1991): I am very disappointed that this movie is only #8. It still gives me the chills. All you have to do is just mention its title and people start talking about the amazingness of the movie.

#7 Hannah and Her Sisters (1986): Never seen it...doubt that I will.

#6 Saving Private Ryan (1998): I learned a very important lesson when I first watched this movie...do not trust the fine folks at Blockbuster to do their fucking jobs and rewind the film. I popped the movie into the VCR and it started with Tom Hanks overlooking a bloody beach. I looked at my viewing partner and we were like "Wow...what a great way to snag the audience." No bullshit, no previews...just carnage.

#5 Toy Story (1995): OK so it was super cute and entertaining and all that...but it was slightly traumatizing. After watching this movie I actually started to feel guilty for every toy that I had tossed away without a second thought.

#4 Blue Velvet (1986) Never seen it but might make the effort to see it being that I usually enjoy all Dennis Hopper films.

#3 Titanic (1997) It is hard to watch this now because once you have seen a movie a zillion times, it can lose a bit of its awe. That being said...I still love it and I bet that you do too.

#2 The Lord of The Rings Trilogy (2001-2003): How in the hell can this not be #1? I am not going to dwell on this nor am I going to waste a lot of time explaining why it is great...since damn near everyone has seen the movies at least once. I will simply saw that it is one of...if not the greatest stories of all-times, turned into the greatest trilogy of all times...and how could anyone possibly disagree with that?

#1 Pulp Fiction (1994): Truly great for its time (or so I am told...it was a few years after that before I actually saw it) but doesn't withstand the test of time. Whenever I try to watch it now, it no longer seems cool. After it lost its initial shock effect...it was pretty much done.

We'll end by saying that I am super pissed off about today's Yankee game. In spite of this...I still love them so. It is because of my love for them that I find myself unable to make a decision regarding the final game. A friend can get me a ticket to the final game a Yankee Stadium. The ticket will cost me more than my monthly car payment and that is a tough pill to swallow. Yet, it is going to be a historic moment and I cannot help but get giddy at the thought of going. So I am asking you...my loyal readers...to help me make up my mind. Let me know what you think, either by comment or email.

Your First Hit Should Always Be Your Best

NOTE: As a form of respect to all of the people I know who are glued to TV watching their beloved Red Sux battle the underdog Rockies for the title...I have vowed not to bash their team for the duration of the series. So let's move on things that I like rather than focus on what I hate...(e-cough Manny Ramirez...). Hey...anything to avoid finishing my damn application paper.

So some movie had a line in it where the protagonist said "Your first hit should always be your best...guess what...your best sucks." I am not badass enough to ever really use this line so I have hijacked it for my own use...for music of course. I have always said that if a song has a great opening line...the rest of the song can suck and I will still spend my $0.99 on iTunes for it. The below list is NOT a list of the greatest opening lines in music ever...just some of my current favorites. Cut me some slack tonight as my brain is mush from trying to summarize terrorism in three pages.

#1 Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls - "I'd give up forever to touch you because I know that you feel me somehow." I am obviously a sucker for hot guys singing hot songs and this song has both. Iris would have been successful even without this line...but I am glad that they started with it. It let it be known that the rest of the song was going to be hot. I like that Johnny and guys cut right to the point with this song...no waiting to the last verse to reel you in. The rest of song kicks ass too...which is why has cemented its spot in pop culture as an awesomely overplayed song.

#2 Kodachrome by Paul Simon - "When I think back on the crap I learned in high school its a wonder I can think at all." I don't know if the legendary Paul Simon meant this way that I have taken it...but it is an accurate statement for two different reasons. The first is that while I was in high school I learned a lot of important crap like how to talk your way out of speeding tickets, how to explain missing curfew a least once a month, how to explain that it was a honest mistake and I really did confuse McDonald's with my geometry classroom, and my favorite lesson...that I didn't know that there was alcohol in that drink because I had never tasted alcohol before so how could I know? (which actually worked more than once). The second reason of it is that I killed a lot brain cells memorizing crap that I have never used therefore have since forgotten. (Such as about that French King Charlemagne and everything else I learned in four years of francais.) The useless information is gone and so are brain cells. I am fairly certain that good ole' Paul Simon was thinking more along the lines of the second perspective but let's face it...after the "education" I received in high school...it really is wonder that I can think at all.

#3 How Far We've Come by Matchbox 20 - "Waking up at the start of the end of the world but it's feeling just like every other before. Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if its gone." Okay it is two lines but it is my blog so get over it. I have never been a big fan of the Box boys so it really says something that they made the list. They are okay but all of their stuff sounds the same. It didn't help that their first song about pushing a girlfriend came out at a time where I wanted to run over every man who ever showed any signs of violence to a girl. Nevertheless... I have to admit that I really like their new song. When I first heard that line...I was hooked. I had to listen to the rest of the song. Believe it or not...the rest of lines are just as good as the first one. So BZ Rob Thomas for finally getting it right...as I too believe the world is burning to ground. (No pun intended towards anyone in San Diego...just poor timing I suppose.)

#4 I'm Still Here by Johnny Rzeznik - "I am question to the world, not an answer to be heard ." I don't actually believe that the world cares enough about me to solve that question...but I can relate to the feeling that you are that question. Does anyone really ever get anyone??? This is neither the time nor the blog to answer that question but I appreciate that a hottie like Johnny asks that same question. Whenever I feel like I am misunderstood...I crank up this song and realize that it is okay. On bad days I remind myself that "They can't break me as long as I know who I am." BZ to Johnny for writing another great song and for making it onto my countdown twice in one night. This is in spite of the fact that you have officially become a sell-out...thus dropping in the hot guy ranks. (WTF were you thinking with this"Next Great American Band" crap???) Smile and all will be forgiven Johnny!

And finally...I will announce the #5 spot by stealing another opening line. So this one is dedicated to R.K...."It is time for you to stop all of your sobbing!" I have caved but only because peer pressure is a bitch.

#5 Honey and the Moon by Joseph Arthur - "I don't know why I'm so afraid if you weren't real I would make you up." Okay so I swore that I wouldn't ever give it up the first line of this song but I am sick of R.K's bitching. I have referred to this song several times in my previous blogs. It is actually the most played song on my iPod (beating out all time favorite songs like Don't Stop Believin' and Livin' on a Prayer) because of this first line. I actually remember that the first time that I heard this song was while shopping and immediately pulled out my phone to record that line. Once I got home I googled the lyrics and the rest is history. This might be the hottest opening line ever in a song. Seriously...if you haven't listened to this song...you really need to.

So this blog was obviously a foolish attempt to kill some time. I don't want to write my paper, I am sick of Facebook, and there isn't shit on TV. As I said...this isn't a best ever list...just what popped in my mind tonight. I also would like it noted that this blog was noticeably DJ free. This is yet another good faith gesture to the Red Sux fans. (I still HATE Manny!)

I close with the below picture...I think that I might photoshop creepy Scott Stapp out...because then you have perfection. Jon Bon Jovi and Johnny Rzeznik...yummy.