By-Gones

"You've got to remember, you're not who you are...you're only who other people think you are" - Fishism.

I am not ashamed to admit it...I miss Ally McBeal. Of all of the reruns on TV...it is one of the few shows that I would actually enjoy watching even though I have seen every episode at least five times. The older I get...the more I relate to Ally and the rest of the Cage and Fish crew. I understand the need for fantasy to get through the day. It is a coping mechanism that I use often.

Ally once said "Today is going to be a...less bad day. I can feel it. Sometimes I wake up and know that things are going to be less bad." I don't think I understood that when I was a teenager watching the show on prime time. Yet while watching this episode from the comfort on couch at 2310 at night, all the while knowing that 0500 is going to come very early...I sighed when she said those words. It was a sigh of understanding because often victory is having a less bad day. I think that accepting that fact is part of being a "grown up".

This should not be interpreted that I am unhappy. I am actually quite happy with my life. I just don't believe that every day is getting the bad guy and coming home with knowledge that my presence improved the world. I often settle for knowing that my actions didn't make it any worse. But I digress...

I loved Ally McBeal. I still get energized when I hear Searchin' My Soul. (Yes I have the Ally McBeal soundtrack on my iPod.) I often have what I refer to as Millie McBeal moments...moments that would have fit in perfectly for the show. I have danced to Barry White when I having a bad day. And sometimes just for fun...I savor my first sip of coffee...deeply inhale in its scent...allowing the anticipation to build...before finally giving in to temptation and taking that first sip...nice and slow.

I still cringe when Ally has show Happy her teeth the first time she stands before him in court.

I still want to give John Cage a big hug whenever he appears on scene because of his endearing vulnerability.

I would totally poke Richard Fish daily on Facebook because he always had something witty to say. I secretly long for a friend like Richard because I so admire people who accept and thrive as a result of socially perceived flaws. (Probably why I was rooting for the self-proclaimed geeks The Twisted Misters on the 2007 World Series of Pop Culture and definitely the reason that I still talk to RK after all these year. But again I digress.)

And I still cry like a baby every time Billy dies...every damn time. Of course...I never stopped hoping that Billy and Ally would get back together and just when I thought that he was seeing the light...he actually did see The Light and died! I felt cheated. Now even though I know what is happening I still cry and get pissed off and usually walk away from the TV because Billy wasn't supposed to die. He was supposed to realize that he had what he needed all along and reunite with Ally. Of course that probably would have made the series end sooner than it did but anyone who watched the last season knows that it probably wouldn't have been that much a tragedy. I loved the fact that they met as kids, fell in love, and never quite lost that spark up until he died.

Ally was not perfect...she was perfectly crazy. She somehow managed to balance her insanity and her life in a way that worked. It is something that I can related to. She once said "You know what makes my problems bigger than everyone else's? They're mine!" I often feel this way as I try to sort out everyone else's problems. (I know...I know...choose your rate, choose your fate.) It is that craziness that made her Ally and the same craziness makes me Millie. I have yet to see a dancing baby...but I won't be surprised if one day I might.

I have no real point with this post except that I saw the iTunes is now offering The Practice for downloading and it pissed me off. What's with the lack of Ally McBeal love?

Now that it is off my chest I will close with two last thoughts.

1.) The only good thing about the last season of Ally McBeal was Jon Bon Jovi, even though his character Victor was totally out of place and terribly written. However he smiled often and wore tight jeans and therefore all was forgiven.

2.) My favorite Fishism: "Never trust second thoughts! Next thing you know there'll be a third and a fourth...you'll be thinking forever!" I think that following this advice would cure my insomnia.